A
female
age
41-50,
*adybug 1
writes:so hurt, my boyfriend and I have been together, for 3yrs now, and we just moved to Ohio. we get along with each other pretty well, most of the time. But there's this big issue, that keep us from going any future, in our relationship like marriage. and Its my family, my boyfriend has a temper, and so does my father, and they butt heads. they got into a bad augument, and my brothers put there nose's into it. My boyfriend was just standing up for himself and me. they know how I feel for him. they, now don't talk to each other, and that has caused a big wedge between us, because he now tells me, that we cant be together any more, because my father doesnt like him any more. he regrets the argument. but the damage is done. now I feel that he is picking them over me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): "My boyfriend was just standing up for himself and me."
And your father and brothers were standing up for you against him, and that's how it will always be. Imagine when you and bf are having problems.
"Im sure down the road they would come around,"
No they won't, they are who they are. Bf and father both hot-heads, brothers jump in, that will never change, and bf knows he will always be outnumbered and he will always be on the defensive.
"so why is it a big deal, for my family to accept him and like him, and to feel that he fits in."
Because bf knows that if he marries you, then he marries them, and it will always be them against him, whether you agree with family or not.
"he cant love me, until my family accepts him, show that they care for him. so now, it wants to end our relationship, what do you make of this."
Smart guy. He's witnessed your family dynamics and he wants no part. He can't win, and it will never change. Give him credit for realizing he can never get along with your father, and your brothers will always jump in. Your family is all-or-nothing, so you need more laid-back, diplomatic guy who can navigate male-dominated in-laws.
Also give him credit for sparing you further anguish. If bf and you got married, then you would constantly be in the middle like you are now, it would take a toll very quickly, unfortunate situation but it happens, you'll always be daughter and sister, bf recognizes that and knows his continued presence will just add friction. He's thinking of you as much as him, he's considering your point of view, try to consider his.
A
female
reader, ladybug 1 +, writes (25 July 2012):
ladybug 1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have already spoke to my family, and they dont want nothing to do with him,at this time, Im sure down the road they would come around, he gets along well with his family, and he dont even hardly see them,or spend time with them only on holidays. so why is it a big deal, for my family to accept him and like him, and to feel that he fits in. we live together for 2yrs. and I can count the times we visited his family. and we moved to ohio, from texas. and his family has never even called once, we have called them. well my family hasnt called me eaither, but that is wrost to him. he told me a couple nights ago, he cant love me, until my family accepts him, show that they care for him. so now, it wants to end our relationship, what do you make of this.
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