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female
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anonymous
writes: When I asked my bf if he loves me more than he has loved others in the past he said he loves everyone "differently". This makes me want to totally run in the other direction. Is this a valid reaction? Am I wrong to be completely offended by this statement? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): I agree that you can love differently. I loved my college boyfriend in the naive, optimistic, all-consuming way that I think is only possible with a first love. I loved my post college boyfriend as a good, kind man, who would have done anything for me, and who I appreciated very much. In the end, neither of those two relationships was "it" for me. It's not that I stopped loving either of those guys. I just couldn't marry them.
I'm dating someone new, and it's a feeling unlike anything I've ever known - completely head over heels. I've never cared so much for someone else's hapiness, and I know I'd do anything for him, which is new. I always thought I'd keep my last name if I got married, but if I married this guy, I'd definitely want his.
If he asked if I loved him more or less than other guys in my past, I'd be tempted to say more, but differently would probably be more accurate. At 25, having had relationships, been heartbroken and recovered, there's no way I could love the way I did at 20. My college boyfriend will always have a special place in my heart, as will the guy who came after him.
None of that diminishes how much I love my boyfriend now, and he'd be silly to feel threatened by it. Those relationships that came before him were major factors in making me who I am, getting me ready to fall in love with him. They're part of my history, just like the farm town where I grew up, my ill-fated attempt to copy Marty McFly's skateboarding-while-holding-a-car-bumper-trick, etc. The relationships are gone and over, but I still treasure the memories, and that's okay. My guess is the same is true of your boyfriend. If you're still feeling unsure, my advice would be to wait a day or two and let things sink in. Then ask if you can talk, and see if he'd agree with the stuff I and other people here have said. My guess is he'll be happy to tell you how much he cares about you and reassure you that you have nothing to be worried about.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): It is not reassurance- It is the fact that I will not stand for someone settling for me. I deserve someone who appreciates me. I am not about to be walked all over.
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A
female
reader, Belle +, writes (15 November 2005):
Do you love your boyfriend? Do you love him more or less than your parents?
Or do you love him differently to them?
Do you love your cat/dog/pets? More or less than your boyfriend?
Your siblings, your friends?
Love is a funny thing!!! and it's different everytime. I've fallen in love a couple of times, but it's never the same feeling!
Hope it makes you feel a bit better!
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):
He was giving you an honest and accurate reaction. You will realize this someday.
Sorry you didnt get the bland reassurance you seem to need.
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