A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend wont go down on me! i am very clean and shaven down there, just how he likes, and i dont taste bad either. hes only given me oral sex 3 times in 2 months we've been together. its been about 3 weeks since the last time and when ive asked him to do it recently, he refuses. he says he doesnt enjoy it. he thinks its gross. (fyi: the 3 times he DID do it, he didnt do it long enough to finish even tho i told him i was close.) i give him oral sex every single time he wants it. i like doing it too. i like being able to pleasure him. when he refuses to pleasure me in the same way, it really hurts. it feels as tho he doesnt care about me being satisfied. he doesnt even do foreplay. ever. just straight into intercourse. we've been using a lot of lube because im just not wet enough. and ive told him im not wet because hes not trying to get me wet! ive never had to use lube with ANYONE else before. i dont want to break up with him over something like this. something that can be fixed. ive tried talking to him about it. he gets very defensive and turns it onto me. makes me feel like IM the one thats doing wrong. how can i get him to go down on me and do foreplay? its really hurting our relationship already!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): It is hard to think with all the information there is at hand in this time and age that he is ignorant in all that has to do with pleasing a woman. I tend to think he rather does not care. You say you have already talked to him and more than once, to no avail about what upsets you. This in fact is a perfect valid reason to get out of a relationship, and nobody will sue you for doing so.
The problem is not necessarily that he dislikes oral sex (although you must determine how long can you go on without ever receiving oral from your partner, briefly put, how important this is for you) but the fact he is not in the least interested to make sex pleasurable for you, EVEN after you have warned him and called his attention to this issue. If you think he is just "uninformed", talk to him again if you wish, and make sure you talk clearly and that he pays attention to what you have to say. Otherwise, you will have to let go. I bet you two have problems outside the bedroom too, if every time you point him an error he tries to turn the tables on you making you wonder if you are to blame...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): There are many forms of foreplay, oral sex is just one. If he doesn't like it you can't really expect him to do it. It turns him off. He thinks it's gross. He doesn't get any pleasure out of it.
If you found that sucking his knob was disgusting and gross, would you want to do that? Of course not. But you do enjoy doing it so there's no reason for you to stop, you probably look forward to it.
You need to show him how to get you turned on in other ways to get you nice and wet before intercourse takes place, and if you're not wet you should keep your knees together until you are. At your age there should be no need whatsoever for artificial lubricants.
You play his game to please him, but he needs to play yours too for the same reason.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99  +, writes (18 April 2009):
I personally think that you will have to take away what he enjoys then see how he likes it. Personally I like nothing more than going down on a woman and making her squirm in desire and passion and when she asks me to stop I just continue. (Far too many years since it last happened though).
Also you will have to talk to him to find out if there are other things on his mind.
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