A
female
age
41-50,
*weetpea1224
writes:My boyfriend of two years is best friends with a woman whom I find toxic. She and I used to be good friends until she completely turned her back on me and began to spread rumors about me among our friends. My boyfriend has been good friends with her for about as long as we have been going out. She calls him often (especially when she knows we're together) to complain about her lack of friends, how her boyfriend mistreats her, and how her remaining friends are bitchy etc. I know her boyfriend personally, and although a little immature, he is a good guy. She constantly puts him down, ignores his calls, and gets upset at him over tiny things. Her mood regarding him can change in an instant. I've seen him, on a few occasions, cry over this woman. My boyfriend only hears the story from her, and it's totally different. She tells him that her boyfriend is mean to her and makes her feel bad, and even went as far as to tell my boyfriend that she had broken up with hers. I heard about the break-up from him (he was troubled by it, for her sake of course) and saw her boyfriend a few days later. He looked a little down, so I told him I was sorry about he and her. He had NO IDEA she had broken up with him. He confessed that she had been ignoring her calls all weekend and he had been worried, and immediately broke down in tears. When he asked her later why she didn't tell him, she called my boyfriend and asked for confirmation that he had told me that they had broken up. She then told him she never told him that, and promptly hung up on him. Once again, she has manipulated the situation so that my boyfriend is questioning himself and what he did wrong, and still sees her as a perfect little angel. She's often been catty to me and my close friends, and she threatens to beat people up regularly. She, and I quote, "Insults people for fun." My boyfriend does not believe her behavoir is in any way troublesome, and does not realize the way she is manipulating him. I can't bear to see him be walked all over by her. He's had trouble standing up for himself in the past, but this time he doesn't even realize it's happening. What can I do?
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male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (12 June 2007):
I'm going to go with the answer that probably will occur to most of everyone who reads this:
Switch boyfriends.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 I dont think there is any other thing you can do to save your boyfriend. he doesnt see this girl the way you do, and the fact that you and her are not in good terms makes it difficult to see your objective opinions. so let him learn from this i know its difficult for you to just wait and see when it happens but this is the only way you can finally get rid of this girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Hi sweetie! I find it really hard to believe that your boyfriend doesn't realize any of this. Men can be blind but not that stupid. Most girls wouldn't "allow" their men to be friends with any girl or atleast that close where she calls all the time. So I must give you alot of respect for that. But back to the question, if you really want your boyfriend to see this because you feel it will help him then help him see it. You know what she does, and how she does it. Catch her in it, you know her BF and I wouldn't think it would be that hard to catch her in her own lies and drama. Theres always the option of going straight to her and telling her what you think of her and her lies. What's she guna do? Beat you up for telling her the truth? Maybe your not the only one who feels this way but it the only one who will say anything.
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