A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of over one year constantly calls me a whore and accuses me of sleeping with coworkers when I have work meetings. I have never, in my short 26 years been unfaithful, I have been cheated on and I know that pain. I have been making plans to move to Europe with him. Almost daily I get home from work and he asks to watch me change because he wants to see what underwear I wear to work, not because he thinks it's sexy. If he doesn't see me change he will go to the clothes washer and smell my panties that I have changed out of.I can not handle this. I have near anxiety attacks each time he becomes this monster. I have spoken to him about it. How can i help him break this cycle? I love him too much to disappear from his Life.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (2 July 2009):
Are you serious why would you stay with someone who disrespects you so badly and treats you like crap you love him but he doesnt love you he just wants to control and your actually considering moving out of the country with this man honey you have issues in all my 35 years never have i been called a whore or anything like that you need to wake up there is more to life then what you have with this man you need to get out unless you like being abused and your in denial he may end up hurting you one day and we will read about you in the paper get out a.s.a.p.[Moderator's note: Text editated from all caps. To the user: Please use upper and lower case letters for reading ease.]
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2009):
 If any man EVER called me a whore, that would have been the last time he ever saw me. Period. And the controlling behavior? The lack of trust? The underwear check? This man has issues. I sincerely doubt that you can change him.
I fear for your self-esteem and well-being if you stay with him.
Have a read: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 (you have to copy/paste the entire url)
I think too that you have no idea how stressful and isolating it can be to move to another country. If he's got you away from friends and family, he has all the time in the world to slowly break you down, and you'll be completely alone without an alternative support system. It's just a bad idea all round. I know, moving to Europe sounds lovely and romantic. Nope. Disorienting, isolating, lonely, the potential for becoming depressed is huge.
Take good care of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): You're having anxiety attacks. By your own admission, you can't handle this. This is serious. You need help, or you wouldn't have come here. But there's only one person who can help: yourself.
You're the one who's important here, not him, and I sense a deep-rooted emotional dependence. You 'love him too much to disappear from his life'...
Traslation: you'll stay with a guy you describe as a 'monster' because you can't even picture a life without him? How could that be any worse than the situation you're already in?
'Almost daily I get home from work and he asks to watch me change'...
could be good, until...
'because he wants to see what underwear I wear to work, not because he thinks it's sexy.'
What a nightmare.
The only way to 'help him break this cycle'..of smelling your fucking underwear!! - is to ensure you to dump him and make him confront the consequences of his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 July 2009):
 If he wants to change, he will have to do it on his own. What you really need to do is leave him because if you stay, you will be sending the sign that you are OK with this controlling and abusive behavior.
So what you do is leave. When he asks why, tell him that this behavior is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it. Take a stand for yourself. Perhaps he will change for his next relationship...but I doubt it.
Good luck.
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