A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, yesterday I learned that my boyfriend of five years kissed another girl.He was at this baseball party(he plays) and the softball team was there and one girl was drunk and kissed him. But the next night it happened again. When he told me I flipped out but he sounded so sincere and sorry. We are very serious and are in love and talk about getting married. He talked to two of our mutual friends about it and they said he is truly sorry and that it shouldnt have happened. We decided that we would take a week to think about the situation and what we wanted to do. Our relationship status is basically in my hands. We are still together and talking just not as much and we cant say I love you. I am trying to make him think about what he could possibly lose. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all for your help and advice. We are working things out. I learned some more details that changed the situation a bit, but those arent important. But once again thank you so much.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Why are you asking a group of strangers on the internet what they think of your personal life?
Stop asking and take a look at your life girl. What happened is considered cheating. Look it up. And not only that it happened twice ONE DAY AFTER THE NEXT, which makes the man that is to be your future husband, and father of your children, a repeat offender. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT. Do you trust him after this and was it a fluke, and only YOU would know that answer.
FCK what these retards have to say, your gut instincts should matter more than one thousand of these morons' opinions, and their 'It depends on if he kisses her back' or 'Well, the first kiss might be forgivable'
I mean what b sht, and you need a whole lot more then ten days time off to think clearly. You need at least one month with NO CONTACT WITH HIM OR MENTION OF HIM AT ALL. And you need to be VERY clear with him about that. You need to let him know that you need this one month without him , AND that he MUST respect that IF there is ANY hope for you two, because this one month could decide if your first marriage is going to be part of that 50% divorce rate statistic. So don't rush this decision. Take some time so you can think clearly and find out where your heart lies.
And if you do decide to do this, you WILL feel lonely, but it's worth it because if you make the right decision, it's one month of solitude for years of happiness.
And again, if you do decide on taking a month off, and this is all up to you, you need to get your sht together and find out if you want to go back to him (which you will want to do) because you want comfort in a time of hardship, or because he is a great guy and you think that there is no other man you will ever meet in the rest of your life that you will love like you love him.
So my two cents if, don't listen to what ANYONE ELSE HAS TO say, not even me if you don't think its the right choice for you, because OTHER PEOPLE can't make decisions that YOU have to live with for the rest of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Well once, and it was just a kiss, is definately forgivable. But twice? Surely if he backed away the first time the girl would have got the message and not tried again the next night.
Everyone is different when it comes to cheating and I know I would be absolutely livid about this. I would probably end it because if he was sorry enough he would come back begging for my forgiveness-if he promptly moves onto the girl in question then I would know I did the right thing by ending it!
But at the same time I like to try and see the best in people and would hope that him coming clean and telling you shows that he didn't want to hide it from you and that is promising.
But whatever happens don't let it go easily. He has to know he has some serious making up to do I probably wouldn't even tell him I loved him for a while. You have to show him that this is a one and only chance and that you don't forgive hiim easily because if you did you potentially then show him he can get away with stuff and still have you too.
Best of Luck X
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Yes, any man that lets that happen twice consecutively like that surely had intention in doing so. Forget the fact she was drunk...she knew what she was doing and so did he. Im glad he did a man up on this but this is a serious red flag for a committed doll like yourself. Id say the trust has been completely lost and there are steps people must take to rebuild it...its not just a sorry and move on. This is one of the key elements to a successful relationship and now its gone. I, myself, wouldnt tolerate anything like this from any woman and havent. I dont care how much attachment I have to her. Bottom line: Its disrespectful, selfish, and it shows an inability to resist temptation, not to mention booze was involved. Please def talk to him and even read a book or two on rebuilding trust if you feel its worth it. I can reco some to u if u wish. Best to you sweetie. Im sorry to hear about this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): The first kiss might be forgivable, if she kissed him and he didn't kiss back, but the second time isn't. He crossed a line and violated your trust in him. So you need to think about that very carefully before you commit to him. Otherwise, you could end up with a broken heart and a broken life.
I guess it all comes down to whether you feel you can forgive him and can ever trust him again. It's a good idea that you're giving yourself time to think about it.
I have to wonder what brought this particular women into his path two nights in a row. Is she seeking him or is he seeking her? Another question you have to ask yourself is if more could have happened than a kiss and if he's being truthful about who initiated the kissing. I'm sure he gave you a played down version of the events. He might have even been testing the waters with you to see how you'd react.
If you let him off the hook lightly for this, I guarantee you that he'll cross the line again.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 So this drunk girl kissed him, did he kiss her back or dodge her kiss, tell her it was wrong? Then it happens again, the next night? I'm going to say he did nothing to stop it and embraced it if it happened again.
Good part is that he told you about it, however he cold have told you out of guilt, or is truly sorry for what he has done. Problem now is the trust has dissipated in this relationship. It shouldn't have happened and it did. If you can bring yourself to let him earn back the trust and forgive him then I say take him back. However if you can't get over him kissing another girl, and will continue to have trust issues then break it off. Either way I would hold off on the getting married bit and the "I love you's" .
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