A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Il keep this short, my bf of 7 yrs broke up with me 8 months ago, I was heartbroken.. He said he didn't think it cud work he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted to do his own thing.. He is 5 yrs younger than me and we always and still do get on... We bought a house tigether and 8 months on still live in it together... I have been the one trying to push one of us taking on the home and he just puts it off all the time. He has a new girlfriend whom he met weeks after our breakup, she hasn't come into the house although he wud not mind bringing her there if I wasn't home. About 3 weeks ago he said he loves me as a person and wanted our relationship to Wk, also that he will always love me. He needed to b picked up about one week ago and rang me... Why??? Why not his friends or girlfriend? When we broke up I was going through a very hard time and he has apologised on so many occasions and says he can't believe how badly he treated me... He has never asked me to get back with him but when I said a while back that we could of been very happy he agrees... What is going on here???? I need a MANS opinion... He ended our relationship but is making no effort to sort out living arrangements. He's rarely home and when he is he's either very talkative or very frosty toward me.... Please please help me, everyday is such a battle for me bcos I of course still have feelings for him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Hi soon567 no need to apologise, can't sell the house as the price we paid for it will not cover what we owe, I've tried on so many occasions to have a discussion with him about our living arrangements but no time is a good time, ure a guy please tell me why??? He ended this and I told him wel never b friends, he's hurt me very badly with his behaviour and he knows that... Friends don't hurt you... Some people think he's keeping his options open but he's never asked me to try again so I don't understand why he feels the need to tell me he's finding it difficult too when he ended it.... He was given chances to put it right but didn't take them.. If someone says they still have love for u etc how I'd that not worth fighting for??? I am so wounded right now please peeps give me advice
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): In reply to soon567 I appreciate ur opinion and would really love to hear from more guys and ANYONE who has been in this situation.... I have also just posted another comment. But I need to make clear that I told my ex we wud NEVER be friends Once the house is sorted out.... So it's not a case that we are friends although he has said he wud like that a while back...yes we had something amazing but I can't make someone see it... He has admitted he blocks things out and has done that with our breakup... I still love him people believe he is after getting a fear of commitment and he has also changed dramatically, he knows he is emotionally unavailable.... But how long can I keep living like this.... What do I do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Thank u so so much for all of ur advice.. I am being very confident around him i'm trying to move on with my life but find it so hard... When he said he wanted our relationship to Wk ( when we were together) my reply was "not enough" it makes me mad and hurt when I hear he's with someone else and doing things he shud have done with me... I've always supported him in life and the time I needed him he turns his back... I'm an educated person and have never ever run after a man, so he doesn't think I want him back bcos I'm so upbeat when I'm around him, he just confuses me as he was being so so nice last Wk( I had a big job interview) and he rang me to make sure I was up and was being so friendly all Wk, to then b stand offish again.. He says I deserve better than what he cud give me, and I totally agree.. Yet a couple of months ago he says my opinion to him matters more than the one he's in a relationship with... And hel always love me.... I'm not hanging on his every word but I feel there to b a lack of consistency on his part... He ended this relationship so WHY is he not pushing to sort out our house??? I do NOT cook or do his washing nor have I EVER slept with him since the day we broke up x
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A
female
reader, sick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
he may or may not love you. but you will never know until you break all ties affecting your relationship. sell the house.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Sorry - I know you wanted males to advise you, yet I want to offer my understanding.I know you have feelings for him, and I truly understand the hell it is to be in your position. It is so hard to want a man and live with him at the same time whom abuses your affection by refusing you emotionally, using you sexually, and loving another woman. I've shared homeownership with a man who broke up with me, refused to separate, and kept girlfriends whom he would have over when I wasn't there, AND used me for sex, and all this was over the course of, coincidentally, eight months. Whenever I brought up the idea of reconciliation; making things work, he said no, and continued to keep me around for cooking, laundry, and sex. When he felt confident to go life without me, he hard-lined the separation and we finally did a clean cut. The whole time I was waiting and hoping for him to want me and make it work. After I got my feet on the ground, he wanted me back.If I could go back and do it all again, the number one thing I would do is decide it won't get better, and choose to not fix it. Then, this is what I would do right after he terminated the relationship and remained in the home:1. Set my rules. I would have said: "As we are terminated, we have nothing to share except the division of assets and their liabilities. I am closed to any and all personal interaction including physical contact. During this co-existence, we are mere house mates. All that's left is to respect the other's space, and carry our own end of responsibilities, that is all."2. Never interact with him about any matter except for shared obligations; utility bills,mortgage and home maintenance. I would ignore all other requests to interact about ANYTHING. Should he approach about any other matter, I would act as if he were not even in the room; pretend he is invisible.This really does work to cut your pain back to a shorter time period, gain strength, focus on your future, and forget the bad things. You've got to move on and be happy!!!
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Afraid of commitment maybe? He doesn't think it could work, he wants your relationship to work, yet he is dating another. You must be so confused! I wouldn't think he is playing you after 7 years (you'd know better), I'd say it's probably the age difference that shows, he is not mature enough for a permanent settlement and maybe doesn't feel he has experimented enough so let him sow his wild oats and get on with your life. He has seen you are hurt and knows you want him back, maybe he does too, maybe not, but his wanting to feel free and untied obviously weights more at this point. What won't do you any good is to stay riveted to his photo in a corner. The next months will be the hardest so you need to help yourself and work with you and not against you. Stick to doing your own chores, this is going to be harder if you have to do the job for both as before, as it reminds you of all that 'used to be'. Your best bet is to get out and let your independence show as well as your ability to look after yourself and pull it through. This won't necessarily bring him back but it's good that he knows you aren't always going to be there and that you don't need him. So don't hurry to pick him up next time either. He needs to understand, no hard feelings but this closeness doesn't mix well with the recent break up, it's hard enough to live in the same home already. So unless he wants to get back together, tell him kindly to not confuse you into thinking you will, if he has got other plans. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, ChloeLouise  +, writes (24 January 2010):
I know you want a man's opinion but it seems to me that he is feeling trapped, he does love you and he does want you but maybe he woke up one day and thought, "I'm not ready for all this." Now he is missing you but is afraid it's not what he wants and/or it will all go back to the same as before. Try being happy around him and natural, show him all the reasons he loves you and that you are fine without him. He'll want you back. That's if you do want him back, I assume you do.
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