A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I always plan to hang out on certain days of the week. But sometimes, other things come up that I would like to go to. It comes to the point where I miss out on events and outings because I know he'll have a fit if I'm not there with him on those days. Today, my parents wanted us to go as a family to something we haven't done all together in years. When I told them why I was feeling anxious, they said he was even allowed to come with. He said no to the event, but by his responses I can tell he's pissed that I would rather go with my parents than sit at home with him. So my question is, am I in the wrong? Friends and family have told me it's okay to go out and enjoy myself, especially if these are things I really have an interest in going to. But he makes me feel terrible about choosing someone or something else over him. To the point where I actually break down into tears over it. I appreciate all replies, I just need to know I'm not crazy in thinking that what I'm doing isn't wrong. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (13 August 2016):
You are not wrong in what you feel. As Ivyblue stated, unless you're doing it repeatedly at the last minute then there's an issue. Otherwise, it's not only okay, but you need to have seperate lives. You need to spend time with your family and friends. And a relationship isn't about maintaining a calendar. There will be times when plans change and you both need to be comfortable with that. Otherwise it's only going to lead to more frustration. Talk to your bf about this. It's not healthy to force yourself on someone. And he needs to understand that :)
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 August 2016):
 Hi Op
If you are breaking plans with him left right and centre and always last minute, then sure he has a reason to be pissed. Otherwise your friends and family are correct. You are entitled to do and go places without him. Things happen and plans change- he needs to stop sulking about it, be fair and reasonable. Some times we just have to do things for the sake of being a good bf or gf so him not willing to do that by accepting your families invite to get social is an example of him being a bit selfish IMHO. Please go,and don't let him emotionally manipulate you into feeling guilty. What he needs to keep in mind is at some point he may need to change plans on you for what ever reason...would he appreciate you giving him grief?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2016):
 IT IS OK for you to do things with OTHER people than him. And I'd tell him that sulking about it isn't going to work any more.
What he is doing is using emotional blackmail to manipulate you into making HIM the person to always revolve around.
It seems like because HE doesn't have as active a social life he wants to isolate you as well. Which isn't a good thing. I can see he could have issues if you go out drinking or hang out with other guys... but that isn't what you seem to be doing.
Let's say that a year from now (or more or less) you two are no longer together, but all your friends have abandoned you because you never gave them time or reciprocated.
I would tell him next time he gets stroppy that you ARE allowed to have friends and spend time with family. After that? I would IGNORE his little fits, not CATER to them. WHO wants to hang out with someone who is acting like a spoiled brat? And maybe.. you need to rethink the relationship. A CARING partner should NOT make you feel anxious.
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