A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a longtime passion for travel. He has flown to many places all over the world before we met. I, on the other hand, don't need to travel to be happy. And I don't share his passion. I am also terrified of flying. He is now planning trips for us in the new year. How can I handle this? I feel it will be a major hurdle in our relationship. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): He has travel lust .You do not.This will not work because in the long run he will resent you and go on fewer trips and you will resent him when he goes on trips.Rip off the bandaid now and find someone who you actually have things in common with.Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): You won't like my answer; but it's a practical one. There's not a lot of plane travel or vacationing going-on at the moment. When all that resumes? Nobody knows! Sooooo, you're pretty safe at the moment. He must be a fairly new boyfriend, if he doesn't know you're afraid of flying! If he's making traveling plans, you obviously haven't told him!
You've decided to commit yourself to someone with interests you don't share. You have two options. Compromise and learn to enjoy travel; or get yourself a boyfriend who's a homebody!
There are more modes of travel than planes, but people who like to travel wonder long distances. Buses and trains can't cross oceans, or you'll lose vacation-time traveling by slower modes of travel. Not to mention how limited travel would be. Crammed together in a bus, or trying to find trains with desired destinations worth traveling to. You may as well drive!
I think you're going to have to overcome your fright of flight. Traveling vagabonds tend to bore easily; and you can't make them feel confined or chained down.
It's not how do "we" get past this, it's how will "you" get past this?
Start by telling him you're afraid of flying; so he won't waste his money on prepaid-tickets or deposits on resort accommodations. The money is sometimes not fully refundable!
You're trying to take away a passion he has had for years. All I can say is this. You'll figure-out a way to make a compromise; if you really want to keep him. It's an awfully big demand to expect a person with a passion for travel to suddenly stop to accommodate your fear.
You can learn to overcome the fear of flying. You can get lessons by flight simulator classes. Learn about your fear, and watch videos that help people to overcome fears of turbulence; or have anxiety during flight. Fear of flight is not incurable.
Confinement breeds restlessness. Restlessness leads to struggles and arguments. The end result is a feeling of resentment between the two of you. You will feel anxious every time he mentions travel, and you will not want him to travel without you. He will feel cooped-up, like you are restraining him, and he will feel smothered.
You can start working on your fear of flying ASAP! Start first with reading and videos. Get an understanding about the bumps, noises, and turbulence in flight. Those things that planes do that causes the fear in you. Time, practice, and facing our fears alleviates fear.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 December 2020):
 Well, for one, you can ask him to look into travelling by bus train for a start. That way you don't have to start and end your vacation with fear.
I'd say TRY one holiday with him and see how it goes.
Neither of you are likely to change. I LOVE traveling, I love the outdoors, my husband doesn't.. though he does like camping... which I don't. Last vacation we took was to a cabin in a nature reserve with many trails but the comfort of NOT having to sleep in a tent. The kids, a friend of ours and I went on a bunch of hikes and her husband and my husband went fishing. It was nice. Everyone got to do what they enjoy.
If he can afford to travel and this is a priority for him and you end up JUST NOT wanting to travel, maybe you two are not as good of a fit as you hope.
Unless you would be OK with him finding travel buddies and going without you.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (23 December 2020):
 Its seems like you are both looking for different things from this relationship.
Your not keen an travelling and he is, yes i agree its going to be a hurdle in your relationship.
I think if you changed what you wanted to suit him and went on trip's with him next year you won't enjoy it because you are going against the grain of what you really want, and sooner or later resentment will set in.
If he stopped going on trips and did what you wanted to do, resentment will again set in before long.
We can't change people, and its pointless to even try, so we just have to accept people as they are.
Maybe go on one or two trips to see how it goes, but if after that its really not for you then maybe you should seek someone more compatible with what you want out of life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2020): Hi
Don't rule it out, there are many ways to travel, if you don't like flying, float! if you don't want to float, free wheel in a mobile home. At least try some of these travel experiences, because traveling is about the way you get there, who you meet along the way, what you see and experience, life is an adventure! not just a tv box and miserable soaps. I don't mean to offend , you may live a very interesting exciting life just in a different way, but if it's real life you want, then get out there!!!you may find a new passion.
Good Luck, either way and Merry Christmas.
...............................
|
