A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and love him very much. However, I am finding things difficult as he still lives with his ex and I feel a bit like an outsider in his life. He recently said that he is happy living with his ex. I would love to ask him to move in with me but I'm scared that he will say no. Any advice, I really don't want to loose him but I find it really difficult that he shares his life more with his ex than me.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Thanks for all your responces - much appreciated. I don't think they are still sleeping together, I'm 99.9% sure of that but I still find things hard - I haven't even been to his house in a year.
They work together (have their own business)so I guess that's probably one of the reasons he is happy there.
You are all right tho, I need to confront him about it all and see if we do have a future together or not...guess I need to realise I might loose him.
Thanks again to you all for taking the time to write back
Thanks x
A
female
reader, Yorkshire girl +, writes (17 April 2008):
Hey.. I am in exactly the same position.. however, i have just this minute ended the relationship (basically the guy was a prat) if he is not prepared to make some kind of commitment (thats the key word) then i would start reassessing your situation..
its a very very difficult situation to be in, and my heart goes out to you.. but you have to let him know how you feel and see what his response is.. go with your gut feeling xx
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hi there, i know when you love someone alot it can be scary sometimes to push a question when you are unsure of the outcome and you think you might loose the person. However, you should not be scared to ask him, you deserve this at the very least, if he says no, then there is something not quite right.
But honesty sweety, if it was me, i dont think i could live with this, i cant understand why he would be happy to be with his ex, its sounds very unusual to me and i dont think anyone either male of female would be happy about this situation.
Your are with him for a over a year, you deserve to know where you are going in this relationship, so ask him if thats what you want to do. You deserve to be happy and if your not, you need to speck with him. If he refuses then i would ask myself the question "why is he happier to live with his ex than wit me?" If he insists that he wants to stay living with her, i am sorry to say but i think there maybe something going on. Good luck darling xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 You are in a very precarious position and you could be the other woman.
If your b/f is still staying with the ex, there is a
probability that they may come back again or they are back and we don't know.
You have to ask him about his plans and how long they will be staying together.
Do you know the reason why they are still staying together?
You could ask him to go over to your place.
You need to take the risk and expect a negative answer.
Then you need to find out why he does not want to move into your place.
You need to face reality and that you are not being stringed along.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Oh my God, I don't know why anyone would want to date a guy who still lives with his ex. Listen Darling if he really loves and cares about your feelings, then he would do the decent thing and move away from his ex.
I kinda get the feeling that they maybe still sleeping together too, because he is happy the way things are and he is not exactly putting your mind at rest, is he? How do you know for sure that he is not still having sex on the side with his ex?
I would give him an ultimatum, either he moves out and break up this cosy situation or you will kick his sorry ass to the kerb.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
You are going to have to do something, even if it means you risk losing him. At the moment he has the best of both worlds, and unless you tell him you aren't happy, he's going to carry on as he is.
Why not ask him if he would like to stay at yours one or two nights a week? That way, he doesn't have to move out and break his lease, and you get him to yourself. After a while he may decide he's much happier at yours and move in anyway.
If the worst comes to it, you have to be prepared to move on. Never settle for second best in a relationship. Find out where he sees this relationship going? Is he happy to stay in this situation for ever, or is he serious about you two together?
After a year I think you are fine to be asking these questions, other wise you are wasting time with him that you could be spending with your true love.
Good Luck!! xx
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