A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for a few months and the chemistry is great. We're both really attracted to each other, have a great time spending time together and make each other laugh. These are all fantastic things that I'm happy to finally find in a man after being single for a while! There has been one thing that has been holding me back from allowing myself to really fall for him though: he likes to bite. When he first did it he bit so hard two weekends in a row that it left bruises and I was really upset with him. He at first tried to say "oh, those marks are sexy" and I clearly told him that no, they're not, and it needs to stop because it hurt and I'm not ok with him leaving marks on my body. He seemed to get it and eased off, not biting for several weeks. Last weekend though, he started to bite again and is trying to convince me to be ok with it. Enough to leave teeth marks and a temporary red spot though not as hard as before to leave bruises. I have a habit of cracking my joints, which he hates, and he started to say that every time I crack he gets to bite. So for some reason he thinks he can use biting as a punishment? I'm pretty frustrated and getting ready to pull the cord on this relationship. I don't want to leave him because I really to enjoy everything else about this man, but I know that if it was one of my friends I would advise them to think with their head and not their heart right now. Does anyone have advice of how I can try to make myself clear to him in this situation without sounding too nagging? Am I being too sensitive? If there is a way to fix this I do want to try. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 April 2015):
 I'd say EVERY time he does it WALK away, tell him I DO NOT want to be bitten, I don't like it and IF you keep biting I'm going to WALK AWAY EVERY time you do it.
If it's during sex or him trying to initiate - put your close on and GO HOME. He know why you are leaving.
Like SVC said, do it with a sense of serenity, but BE firm.
EVERY TIME. WALK AWAY.
It he doesn't seem to learn from that... what options do you have then?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2015):
 Yes, there's a very easy way to fix this. Tell him he can nibble, but NOT bite. You will not accept it, and he doesn't get to dictate what to do with YOUR body. Your body, your rules. Even if you knack your joints. Tell him very clearly that biting is NOT your thing. If he wants to be bitten by you, I suggest you try it in order for him to be happy. But no biting on you again. Just be very clear about this! Don't laugh it off as something funny or give him small hints here and there. Say it like it is.
There's no point for him to bite at you if you aren't into it, I am sure he's just thinking that you just aren't used to it, and it probably turns him on a lot to do it. I get turned on by being bitten. Big time. Not so hard that it leaves marks, but I have drawn blood myself on occasion by scratching. So I know that for some it's a huge turn on, which is probably why he does it. Its not a turn on if it actually hurts your partner though.
If he doesn't get it, you might suggest that you get to pinch his balls as hard as you like each time he bites you so you hurt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2015):
 OH if he was like me and he bit in the throes of passion that would be one thing (I bit my husband ONCE and his reaction was enough to make sure I never bit him again) I am not a biter by nature but he had me so riled up I just did it. arrgh..
ok... so he thinks that biting is punishment since you don't like it.
my husband likes to flip my lip for punishment if I pout... it's not harmful to me so I let him.
But I can make a suggestion on how to get your bf to stop biting. And that is to give him consequences for his bad behavior.
First of all I would warn him. "honey I really want this relationship to work but biting is NOT acceptable and therefore from now on EVERY time you bite me it will be the END of our time together for that day"
Then you have to stick to this. EVERY time he bites you. NO matter where you are or what you are doing, you get up, gather your things and GO HOME. You do it sweetly.
you say "i'm sorry biting is not acceptable and we are done for today I will talk to you tomorrow" give him a light kiss and go home"
If you do this and he does not stop the biting after 3 or 4 events, then I would bail on the relationship.
My husband has had a very bad habit of calling me names. (he is in early alcohol recovery) and until I learned how to deal with it, it was pretty much a daily event.
I do not have to accept his name calling. He has lost his temper and called me names twice since the beginning of February.
The first time he did it I said "I'm sorry name calling is not acceptable and we are done for the night I'm going to bed" and I gathered my stuff and went to our bedroom. It was 8:30. He was not happy and kept calling names but I was calm and serene and the next time I dealt with him, I was light and cheery and did not bring it up. He seemed to get it.
I was not called a name again for nearly a month. and the same thing happened., "Name calling is not acceptable and we are done for tonight good night" and up to our room I go. This time no name calling... and he has not done it since.
People need to be held accountable for their behavior. IF they have negative consequences for their bad behavior and they don't want that, they will work to change the behavior,.
IF he wants you in his life then he will learn to not bite.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2015):
 I am optimistic here , it does not seem too hard to fix.
You can be assertive without being mean or rude. Just tell him that yes , it's a pity that you do not share his turn on, but ,too bad, it just so happens that you don't. You hate it , in fact, and for you it is an instant turn OFF. Some women like to be bitten, some don't- same as some man like to have a finger, or a dildo , shoved up their a.., and some don't. As you would not insist for the shoving thing if he hated it, so likewise he needs to remember and accomodate your sexual " don'ts ". If nevertheless he should slip into biting again during foreplay or intercourse- you STOP everything at once , and get up and away. Not in a hissy fit or with a long face- calmly .You just tell him : see ? I was sooo horny, but the biting put me off the mood.
Basically , bites = no action.
If he STILL does not get it, or sulks .... then ,get rid of him, regardless of his other pros ;it would mean he is a selfish lover who only cares about his own pleasure. Therefore, not a good match in the long run.
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