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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I'm confused about this man who likes me. I come from a wealthy family, and i promise that I never brag about it. Basically, this man who's interested in me told me that he likes me. But, he keeps telling me how independent he is, how many properties his family owns,(basically telling me about materialistic things). So i was disappointed that he kind of thinks that im only looking at the materialistic side, i know that he might be exaggerating to impress me, but it was a turn off when he asked me once how much my outfit costs etc.. I know that this comes out of his insecurities because his family Isn't that rich as he says, but he always tries to prove to me that in case we end up in a relationship, he can provide anything for me. How do i tell him that he shouldn't worry about the materialistic side? Or at least, make him believe that i don't care about it either? I never open any conversations about materialistic things, but when he sees me that I'm wearing something nice (even if it's not expensive) he brings up the topic again. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019): When you see signs of insecurity regarding any issue when trying to establish a potential relationship; you have to address it head-on.
You can't shy away from the fact he keeps bringing-up his family's financial-status; because he feels he's not good enough for you. He is agitated by the fear he's not able to impress you, or your family. He is aware he can't provide the expensive material things that you're accustomed to. You receive expensive birthday gifts, go on extravagant vacations, and will get anything you ask for. So don't pretend for his sake, he knows better. You love it!
You must nip this at the bud, if you are considering seriously dating this guy. Coming from different economic backgrounds; you'll always face this dilemma when you date guys who aren't wealthy. It should come as no surprise.
Males have terrific egos; and it's more fragile than we'd like anybody to know. So many guys feel they have to do a lot of posturing, and many are given to bravado. Showing-off and bragging to impress women; or other men, if that's his sexual-orientation. Living in a materialistic society, you can't easily tell where people are coming from; even when they pretend it doesn't bother them.
You have no choice but to be direct and put him at-ease. Let him know you don't want money and material things to be the focus in your budding-relationship.
If you tell him you are not materialistic, but you don't look it; don't expect him to believe you. If you start under-dressing, he'll be offended; because it's phony. So be open and honest. If you're not a material-girl, then tell him so. Leave it at that. It will take awhile before he settles-down, he has to get used to the fact. You're probably the first rich girl he has ever dated.
Don't try too hard to convince him you don't care about your wealth, because you do. If you lost everything you had tomorrow, you would miss all the privileges and status. You have no reason to downplay what you have for his sake. You accept him for who he is, and he has to accept you for who you are. Not for what you have, or what he doesn't have.
Wealth speaks for itself, no matter what you say. He's a guy, and he's going to want to impress you no matter what you have, or don't have. Just let him know, it's about you and him. Not about what either of your families have wealth-wise.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2019):
 You know this will ONLY escalate if you decide to date him.
He feels inadequate (financially) compared to you. THAT isn't going to stop even if you tell him material stuff doesn't matter. BECAUSE it matters to him. So if you tell him it doesn't matter, he will think that you look down at him and his ability to provide for you. Sort of patronizing him.
THAT is reality.
This guy is VERY much INTO show of wealth, bragging and material stuff.
SO in the end, he might not be a great fit for you.
He is who he is and I doubt ANYTHING you say will change how he feels.
I think he would ACTUALLY be better off dating someone with LESS "family value" than himself. Yet, he would STILL try and impress her.
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