A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend keeps pushing the issue on 'Sex' And I'm not ready. He tries and tries again, but his efforts are useless. We've gone as far as very passionate kissing and touching, rubbing that kinda thing. I'm not a tease but he initiates all this and I end up putting the brakes on the whole thing. He keeps wanting to take a mini-vacation and I'm like 'No' At least not yet. That definitely means we'll end up having sex. So, he brought it up again yesterday... I said, 'Let's drive out and spend a whole day out there. But we're not spending the night. So (typical) he got quiet on me. Didn't text me back or call me for the rest of the day. Now this morning (as usual) he text me Good morning, I'll be in your town for a few hrs. today. What the heck?!? Does he have selective memory. Doesn't remember ignoring me for the most part of the day? Or is just playing Dumb? I haven't responded. What do I do? Honestly, I think he should contact me again. Not me!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I can tell you what's going on w/ the BF. One or more of his "friends" already sat him down and had a talk with him. Your BF was more than likely impressed with his friends' seeming success with women.
What happened is someone told your BF is that this is how he has to treat you. This certain Someone also told your BF that if he doesn't treat you this way that you're going to walk all over him and that every guy has to treat a girl this way in order to get what he wants.
What has to be done is to have a mature person, someone who your BF respects, sit down with him and explain to him that a relationship based on love and romance is a two way street of which mutual respect is an integral part.
I suppose you can try and do this yourself, but you have to find out from him if he respects you as a person and if he respects your relationship with him.
What might help the BF get away from his cromagnon consciousness is to make sure he's getting all his essential nutrients like magnesium, stay away from the sugary foods so he's not so hypersexual.
If he thinks you worry about him too much or that you command too much respect, forget him. Cut him loose. He's just a stray dog. Plenty more fish in the sea. Every good human being is worthy of respect.
A
female
reader, YuukiBear +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Guys can be such idiots some time (No offense to any of you guys out there who aren't) I have been in this situation before (I am 15 but still, don't mean the situation was any different). My X boyfriend (when we were dating) would always push the topic of sex on me. He would get all quiet when I said no and he would ignore me for a while. He even once tried to plan a 'mini vacation'. It was only for like two days and he would have his 'own' room. My parents agreed and stuff cause he seemed 'so trustworthy'. I had spent the night at his house before but his parents and family were there so he never tried anything. I knew that if I agreed to go then we would end up having sex. I couldn't tell my parents cause I didn't want to ruin there relationship with him. After a while of him asking and pleading for me to go I said no and that I meant it. I told him that if he asked again I would leave him. Of course... He asked again. He wanted to have sex. He wanted to go on the 'vacation'. I told him that I had warned him and that I was done. I left him. (This was less then a year ago so yeah.)If your guy can't respect your wishes then he isn't worth your time hun. Talk to him (And I mean sit him down and tell him to keep his mouth shut while you explain to him everything.) If he is still persistent then leave him. Find someone that cares enough about your wishes and be with them, not the guy who seems to only want one thing.Best of luck!~Allana Rose
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A
female
reader, HeartASHXOXO +, writes (3 February 2009):
guys get frustrated by that, but if yours is staying w/ you then thats good.... however he may end up thinkin your not into him that much and leave. Who cares if he does? sure youll missx him but if he wont wait for you then hes not worth it
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (3 February 2009):
just tell him he needs to wait! if he does not like it, he can get lost.
i was in a similar situation when i was younger. i was not ready for sex, think i was 17 at the time. so anyway my bf at the time kept going on and on and on about having sex, i told him i was a virgin and not ready. but he obviously talked to his friends about it, as he came back to me and said "my friends think i should break it off with you, as you won;t have sex with me" i told him that i'm not in a relationship with his friends and i don't give a fudge what they think and if he wants to be the big man and look good in front of his friends then he can go f**k them. this made him think and was all sorry,blah blah. so then the sex talk stopped for a few days, only to begin again....that's when i just said i don't want to be with someone who pressures me into doing something i don;t want to do. basically i broke it off!
so if your man is not willing to wait for you...ditch him! he does not respect you if he can't wait. also what makes you sure that he will hang around after he has had sex with you?
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (3 February 2009):
 If your not ready, your not ready. This guy really needs to learn to realise that pushing you into having sex will push you apart.
I think that you want different things and it may well be worth finishing the relationship, because you are both going to get stressed, and he obviously doesn't respect your opinions.
I think in the long term you will both be happier with out each other. Sorry
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 February 2009):
It seems he is not willing to wait for you.
This to me says he doesn't respect your feelings and simply thinks you are wrong in wanting to wait.
Tell him that you are not going to have sex with him for SOME TIME to come and if he doesn't want to wait then you are going to end it. Tell him in no uncertain terms why you want to wait and that you want to feel that he respects your view point in this.
If after your talk, he tries again, then you have to end it as he clearly is never going to respect you or your feelings.
Good Luck!! xx
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