A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I don't have sex as often as I'd like. We average about once a week. W both work full time, and he tends to work long shift, with few breaks. Work stresses him out. I've been going through some medical problems the past 6 months, and the treatment forces menopause, which, at 33 years old, is awful, and causes anxiety, depression and mood swings. He is also 39, and was a past abuser of drugs and alcohol (but has been clean and sober for 3 years....before I ever met him).To be fair, our sex life has been this way since the beginning, so it's not as though its dropped off in the year we've been together. He always tells mere just doesn't want a lot of sex, that its nothing to do with me or his attraction to me....he just doesn't have the urge to have sex often.There are times I will give him a hand job or blow job, and he is more than willing to receive it, but NEVER initiates or asks for it. Recently I discovered some socks that he had clearly masturbated into. When I asked him about it, he didn't deny it. Should I be offended that he masturbates, even though he says he hasn't urge for sex. He said he was hard in the morning and I wasn't there, so he masturbated. He's not watching porn, I know that for certain.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2013): You need to draw a compromise, to even up your schedules for "getting off."
He is getting off without you; because he's selfish, and it's convenient. A palm is easy then having to please a whole person. He wants the thrill without having to reciprocate.
He's lazy in the bedroom; because he has already pleased himself earlier. He's just tired at the end of the day, and wants to sleep nights.
He's making excuses. Truth is, he has already blown his wad. There isn't any energy left after a long busy day.
May I suggest that you go for it in the morning? Get an earlier start; when his testosterone is at it's highest level of the day.
He doesn't have to deny he masturbates. It is just that it's becoming a habit; or too much of a substitute for taking care of you. Many guys just like to get off, and rollover to sleep. He'll only get away with it, if you let him.
Sorry, that's just the way it is. Don't let him get away so easily. It doesn't really have to be that way.
If he's getting off in the morning, and working a full day; all he wants is a hand-job or bj, and off to sleep.
That's selfish and unfair. The problem is, you can't regulate when he masturbates or how frequently.
What all this comes down to is; it's up to him to decide how important it is to please you sexually. You've already found the evidence. Don't settle for the excuses.
Just remember, you catch more flies with honey, than vinegar. Truthfully with poop, but that's not relevant here.
Point intended, you have to be sweet when you're talking about intimacy. Bitchy demand goes over better in stilettos and a leather corset. Otherwise; sultry diplomacy is the way.
So you have to have a calm and friendly discussion about it.
It's about sex, so keep it light. If it turns into an argument; end it immediately, and retreat.
You might have to buy yourself a handy "lady-device," for emergencies.
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