A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I love my boyfriend very much. We haven't been together long but we've known eachother beyond our dating days and I'm pretty sure we know almost everything about eachother. I can be my complete self around him and he around me. Sounds good right? Now here's the problem.As much as I love my boyfriend, he needs to get a step on with his future. He always says he would/want to/will marry me, and come on, of course I am happy to hear such things! But the thing is, he has no job. He hasn't had one for as long as I've known him. Which has been a LONG time. He is a high-school drop out, but has his GED. He tried college for a while and only completed one class, then called it quits. Not to mention he owes thousands in debt to credit card bills. He tried to look for a job, and even said he called places. But no-one is hiring. It even got to the point where I started to look for places FOR him.He always says that he wants to be a cop. And as his girlfriend, I should be supportive of that. Which, I am. But he has made no steps toward even getting towards that dream. Not only that, but he doesn't even have a back-up plan if that doesn't work out. He was suppose to take the entrance test but he told me, "my mom was suppose to leave me the car but she forgot so I missed it." UHMM?? And then he told me that they hold the testing every Friday, but every Friday after that not once has he went..I, on the other hand, graduated high school, attend college part-time, and I still work at the only job I've ever had for a year and counting. I plan on getting a career and living on my own. I guess I'm trying to say is that I do not want to marry a man who can not finically take care of me. But it would mean everything to me if we did. Sometimes, I try to bring up topics regarding to this problem I have, but he immediately gets defensive and annoyed, telling me that he already knows this, and to stop worrying. That I won't be doing most of the work when and/or when if ever do decide to hitch. And sometimes he doesn't tell me anything at all and just doesn't talk to me!But it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't say, I still feel worried. He lives with his mother and I see the way she has to take care of someone of his age and...UGH! I don't want that! He always tells me "22 isn't that old", but I do think it's a time you really start taking control of your life. I just want him to begin thinking ahead. Get some motivation! Living in the present is fine but in my opinion if you're thinking of MARRYING someone you have to think a little bit in the future. Even if you're not, it's always good to have future plans and goals. Shoot me if I'm wrong!Please, I tried to be nice about it but now I really want to get it through to him. How can I sit him down and tell him how I'm feeling without him getting upset and bashing off like a little kid? I want to stay with him, I truly do. And even if we don't end up marrying, he can at least find a job! Please help me out here. ):
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I',a 26 years old male.
Listen. In my country, and as well as yours, is very, very difficult to land a job. It is worse if you don't have high school. If you have no experience, you'll probably won't land a job. Right know landing a job is a very hard task.
But, somehow, it seems that he really don't want to work that much. You have to have The Talk with him, and explain him, clearly, without emotions, on a piece of paper, what you think about your future together. Try being calm and comprehensive, 22 years is still a kid (I'm 26 and still don't feel like a grown up). He needs a little reality check.
I have been living on my own since I was 23. I have also been financially aiding my girlfriend to pay her debt and living expenses. She has had no job for over 4 years. She has gone to dozens of interviews, with no luck. I can't blame her. I'm also worried about our future together. Where I live it is hard for a woman to get a job. So that is why I don't pressure her for having one. I love her to bits, and I will hopefully marry her when my economy gets better.
I wish you luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): honestly he sounds like a lazy dude. Does he drink or is he just a lazy slum. Honestly u don't need someone who is gonna drag u down. If u like/love him u need to tell him like it is if he doesn't then u might take it to the extent of breaking up with him. U should want the best for him and he should want the best for u.
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