A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MY dad is an alcoholic. He used to be aggressive but he's not anymore just narky. he can drink from 5 gasses - 3 bottles a night of red wine. He's an ok guy when he's sober. he cant say 'i love you' because of problems with his parents. My boyfriend is great bin with him a year now and love him very much. I have an occassional drink at times too. my boyfriend is worried ill become like my dada although i dont think im nearly as bad i drink bout 4 glasses in 1 night and dat is the ultimate maximum and then i deffo wont have any more for a few days. i dont want become my dad. I want to have sex with my boyfriend but he wont. ive mentioned it once or twice and he said no i dont know what i doing wrong. i want to feel loved. i know sex isnt always the way but it means so much to that if e was to give his first time to me then id feel sooo loved! is that wrong? im totally stressed out. any advise? xx
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 There are two questions here really. First: if you have an alcoholic parent it doesn't mean you'll also be an alcoholic. There is more chance of it, but in fact many children of alcoholics are more aware than others of the dangers of alcohol and are cautious. It sounds to me as though you're being cautious. However, a lot depends on your attitude to drinking. Do you get drunk when you drink? If so, that may be why your boyfriend is worried and you need to be very careful that it doesn't get out of control. If you really are only having a glass or two every few days, then assure you're boyfriend that having a drink every now and again does not mean you'll become an alcoholic. For more information you can look at:
www.al-anonuk.org.uk
The second part of your question, about having sex, is probably linked to your father. If he has trouble telling you or showing you that he loves you, I expect you're seeking that reassurance of being loved from your boyfriend. Remember that sex isn't the only way of showing love. Please don't start having sex just because you think it will make you feel loved. I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about the reasons he says 'no'. Perhaps he doesn't believe in sex before marriage, or he's nervous, or worried about you getting pregnant. Try to find out what's going on in his mind and discuss how you both feel. I'm sure that if you love each other and when you're both ready you will naturally progress to a happy sexual relationship. Don't rush too much. I hope I've helped a bit. Good luck.
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