| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is very jealous of my past. Sadly, I used to hook up with a friends YEARS before I met my boyfriend, and I later met my boyfriend because of this friend. I used to really like this friend. Well, I also used to have a crush on another guy (also before I met my boyfriend), and this guy was friends with my boyfriend's brother. My boyfriend's brother also had another friend, and this guy USED TO be my friend, and he once kissed me without my consent. I didn't have feelings for him. I kept talking to him, but then I cut the friendship. Most of this happened before I met my boyfriend. The only thing that didn't happen before I met him was that I cut the friendship only after we were already dating, but I have never cheated on my boyfriend, physically or emotionally. I love my boyfriend to death.But that's the problem, nop matter what, he gets jealous! Especially since he knows them. And now he's upset over something so stupid, but I can't reassure him. The thing is we were on the phone and suddenly he got all paranoid that maybe I used to like his brother... I told him that no, I never liked his brother. Then he started telling me that he can't believe I used to like such ugly guys. Yes, I admit they werre all ugly, but I liked them for other reasons, so what?He says he can't trust me if I used to like such ugly guys, and let one (ugly) guy kiss me and still be his friend. He says that makes him think I will hook up with any guy since I don't even care if they're at least attractive. He should be glad all guys before him were ugly! He knows he's attractive, so what's the problem? I don't get it, plus I think it's stupid to conclude that just because mty previous crushes were ugly or because one guy forced a kiss on me it means I'm a cheater or that I'll run off with whomever I meet! How can I convince him I won't?And what's with judging these guys on appearance? Geez...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): You really need to talk to this guy...no matter what was in the past, its in the past...i have had 3 girlfriends whom ive had all sexual relations with, and my 4th girlfriend whom ive been with for 8 months was a virgin before we hooked up..the reason i said this is becasue beofre we got together, we told each other everything, she said it bothered her a bit that i had been with those other girls, but that was the past and all that matters now is what is the NOW and the FUTURE, he must respect you for what you are now, and if he cant then hes not worth it...for you liking guys that are ugly, he must be happy that you look beyond what the guy looks like, and how he is inside, you really need to talk to him about this. take charge and tell him straight up, and tell him if he cant handle that then he aint worth it, i am pretty sure that he has been with other people so confront him about that...listen, the thing i think that is the key to all relationships, is communication and trust, without communication and trust there is is nothing..you guys must talk about these things and trust each other..my longest relationship before my girlfirend right now was 2 months, it was all about fooling around, we kept out secrets, didnt talk much, and didnt work out.. my girlfriend right now talk about EVERYTHING, and is so we confront each other about certain things..we are 8 months together and unlike other couples, we are getting stronger instead of slowly declining...just talk to him, if not then he aint worth it..yourre young, you have the rest of you life left, dont waste it on someone who doesnt respect you
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