| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: This is kinda long; but i really need advice and help.i have a boyfriend and i've been with him for about a year and two months. He's always been so controlling and jealous since day one. But now i've noticed it has gotten worse. I am madly in love with him and I would never leave him, but the way he's always jealous has gotten out of control! He knows when i turn on my cellphone and he knows the exact time when i read his messages (don't ask how he does that cuz i have no idea). I keep my phone off at night because he thinks i talk to other guys. I've talked to him about his problem before but he says he's only like that because he doesn't want to lose me and yet, I tell him all the time that he will never lose me. But now i'm thinking that if he keeps this up, i'll just end up walking away from him. I can't stand not being able to hang out with my guy friends OR my girl friends. He says he doesn't trust them, but i've known them forever. They know i have a boyfriend so they're not gonna try and get between us. I can't get out of the house without letting him know first where i'm going. What do i do??
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I have a boyfriend who is the same way. Only its my ex husband is worried about. He doesnt let me leave the house without him, i have to make all my calls to my ex about my kids in front of him and then if my ex says something he doesnt like i'm the one who gets yelled at. I can only have my kids when my boyfriend is not around because of the domestic abuse which i agree with my kid dont need to be around that. He keeps me from working so that he knows i dont have the money to move. The thing is i have never cheated on him in fact i left my husband for him because in the beginning he was my knight in shining armor and made all these promises. Our relationship is on again off again and everytime we were apart i would sit and cry while he would get drunk and sleep around. But he would always show up where i was crying and begging to get me back and i always would. The last time i came back it was because he threatened to kill himself but the minute i was moved back in it all started again. Now he is talkin aboug getting married. He had also gotten me pregnant and made me give the baby up for adoption and i agreed because i wanted my child to have better. Just know you are not alone. Ask your friends to help get u a place to stay and get a job and if it comes down to it file a personal protecton order. I am currently in the process of getting out myself all it takes is waking up and realizing if he loved you he would not treat you like that.
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 I can see how he may be concerned, but you've told him over and over again you're never going to cheat on him and leave him, and he's STILL being like this? The phone thing is more than freaky. I wonder if he knows about this post? You know, if he knows your email address, there's a place he can go to track EVERYWHERE you go online as well!
Without trust there's no relationship, doesn't matter if there's love or not. Love is a key factor in relationships, yes. But, if you can't trust the person you're with... then how could you fully love them? He's trying to hold you on a leash, and that's a TERRIBLE thing to be doing! You need to tell him to either back off, or he's going to push you away. If he continues, or gets violent, leave him immediately. It'll be hard, because you love him, but as soon as the right man comes along you'll get over it. Someone who loves you, respects you and your friendships, AND trusts you. Just think what would happen if you two got married!!! He'd have total control, not just emotional!!
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 I think you need to get rid of this controlling psycho and find someone who loves and trusts you and respects you enough to make your own decisions about where you go and what you do. Who is he to tell you who you can go out with? If you stand for this any longer, you will regeret all this wasted time in the future, time which should have been spent with your friends having fun.
If he was like this at the start, I question why you are still with him but I suppose what's done is done now. I just hope you find the strength and self esteem to get out of there before his problems get worse and you're not allowed to even have a mobile phone!
Don't think for one minute this has anything to do with you. You are a normal girl who just wants to live her life and you have a right to do that. These are his insecurities and they're for him to sort out before he can be a good boyfriend. Leave him and make him face upto his problems, don't let him burden you with them any longer.
Good luck
...............................
|
