A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is so blunt to speak that he talk whatever he wants without thinking. It's so hurtful some time . No doubt he is loyalbut he has controlling behaviour like I want to do jobs he said ok u can do but at the same time he said there will be lots of guys in your organization u will talk to them ... Like seriously, sometime his insecurity is headache for me .Yesterday he said hurtful word to me . I just get angry with him he don't even say sorry. And didn't call me yet. I didn't attend my convocation because of his insecurity after that he says when did I say not to attend . I don't know what to do ... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2022): This is about you not your boyfriend. You choose to have him as your boyfriend and then complain. Make better choices. Don't pick people who are too blunt or irritating next time. There is such a thing as being single you know. Very often it is better.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2022):
 So you hold yourself back from doing something you want to do because HE is insecure?
Don't.
He can either TRUST you or go fly a kite off a cliff~
If he can not or will not trust you, is he really someone you want to be with longterm?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2022): You're facing the dilemma that many, if not most of us, face when we fall for people who are a bad-match. We hit these rough patches with these people; and there is no compromise or middle-ground with them.
You have to face the fact that you may be incompatible. Obstinate people have a "my way, or the highway" kind of attitude; and are prone to say whatever crosses their mind. Whatever thought comes to mind, it flows out of their mouths! Without a filter, or any consideration; because "they have spoken!" They blurt-out terrible things, and don't care what anybody thinks. They don't care if they hurt your feelings; and they don't care if what they've said is inappropriate. That is a form of willful-ignorance and weakness of character. He'll embarrass you in public. He'll get into scrapes and confrontations with people; and he may even endanger your lives, if he goes-off on the wrong person, or a dangerous group of people.
You came to Dear Cupid looking for someone to tell you how to fix your boyfriend. You want something that you can say or do, that will give him a sudden realization he upsets you; and he should stop speaking to you disrespectfully, and he should be mindful of his rudeness.
You didn't mention how long you've been with this guy; but if it has been even as brief as six months, you are never going to find a way to change him. He is who he is, but you're choosing to ignore the red-flags and warnings. Too often, women misinterpret rudeness and obstinance for masculinity. They've even created a name for it in pop-culture..."toxic masculinity." No!!! That's a sexist trope! It's being a tool, and has nothing to do with masculinity. Masculinity, in and of itself, is not toxic. He should be held fully accountable as a person; for his poor behavior, immaturity, crassness, and lack of social-skills. His personality sucks!
You are dating in the adult-world now; and you're supposed to put common sense ahead of your reckless heart. You must always guard your heart, and protect your sanity. Always take note of red-flags and tip-offs. You don't date mindlessly, you date with discernment and wisdom. People unwilling to listen to you when you tell them how they hurt you have a "take-it or leave-it" attitude; and don't feel there is anything about them they need to change. In their minds, you're the one with a problem; and it's you who needs to learn how to deal with the kind of person they are. Sometimes it's symptomatic of a narcissistic-personality.
You are over the age of 25. By the time we hit that age, we are physically and psychologically mature. We are able to make logical decisions and analyze problems. You can't just rely on your "feelings." Your heart and mind have to work together; because that's a survival-skill you had better develop, if you are going to survive the real-world. If he speaks without thinking, he's far from good boyfriend-material. He's conditioning you to submit to his will and control. That arrogant kind of attitude gets you into a heap of trouble! Being obnoxious is a modern trend; but people who live by that school of thought learn eventually that your mouth can get you into trouble you can't always talk your way out of. If you don't care, or can't control what you say; it's an indication your mind isn't fully functional. Usually, there is no reasoning with people like that.
You probably don't want anyone to tell you that you may need to let him go; but that's entirely up to you. Most OP's just keep sending the same post over and over; until someone tells them what they want to hear. "Stay with him, try to talk to him, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!" You're here, because that hasn't worked. Right?!! Then weigh the pros and cons. Whether it's better to be with, or without him?
If you decide to stay with him; then put-up with him as long as you can. Until the last straw. That's what it takes for some people, maybe most people, to decide they may have made a bad-match; and the only solution is to breakup with that person. Don't get damaged in the process. Staying with the wrong-guy for too long will mess you up so bad; you'll be too dysfunctional to carry-on a good relationship with anyone else in your future.
You can't change people to make them what you want them to be; you have to keep searching, until you find a person who is already what you've been looking for. You have to make sure you match-up with men who are respectful, of strong character, able to listen and compromise; and someone who thinks before he speaks. Looking for a way to fix somebody isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is to work on your own faults and weaknesses. Learn from this experience, and make sure the next guy isn't a fixer-upper. He already has it together, and he respects you. I know culture and tradition within a patriarchal society can make that hard for women.
When you bite into an apple, and it is rotten; you don't keep eating it. You go find yourself a nice fresh crisp one. When you find yourself dating a rotten man, you dump him; and set-out to find one worthy of love and devotion. Push comes to shove, and you tire of searching; then I guess you can fallback on old-tradition, and let your parents arrange a marriage, or find a match-maker.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (28 September 2022):
 I don't know how long you have been together with him, but he is certainly displaying some red flags here, enough to make most people walk away.
At the end of the day he is your boyfriend not your husband, if you are both contemplating marriage in the near future, given his controlling ways I would advise not going down this route with him.
Nothing is tying you to him in any way, so don't be afraid to walk away. He is insecure, rude and controlling which i'm guessing will not change anytime soon.
Don't feel like your on your own, confide in family, friends, acquaintances, or professional body's and tell them what your going through.
I think this is the way he is, he is not going go all of a sudden wake up one day and be a changed person.
I think you should be considering if this relationship is really for you and be contemplating leaving him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2022): Please do yourself a favour and stop dating this toxic guy. I'm an Indian girl and it's sad to see that most girls are raised with no self importance.
Firstly, this is his mentality and cultural mindset about women. You cannot change it. You will have to let go and find someone who has similar views and values as yourself.
Secondly, it has nothing to do with being blunt. He sounds like creep who might be overly possessive and entitled. When you decide to break up, don't meet him, cut all contact and make sure he does not know your whereabouts.
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