A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I've never really wanted to have a sexual relationship in any way - even kissing for long periods of time either seems boring or just plain gross. I much prefer to have an emotional relationship. However, I am very aware that this is practically impossible. I have a boyfriend and have discussed this with him - he says he's ok with it but I know that he's going to want more eventually. We're both 17 and have been together for a few months. All of my friends keep putting pressure on me by describing their own sexual experiences and asking when I'm going to "get it over with" with my boyfriend. But I really can't see that happening in the near future.What do I do if he tries something that I'm not comfortable with? I love him and have told him so but I'm worried that I might end up just sleeping with him to make him happy, and I'm well aware that is a bad road to go down. But I'm also worried that he'll get fed up if I don't put out and will leave me. And what do I say to my pushy friends? They keep hassling me and saying I'm frigid - funnily enough my boyfriend is much more understanding.Any suggestions? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help, guys, particularly typ3 for that detailed response.I shall talk to my boyfriend about this and try to ignore my friends.
A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I've been in a similar situation. After I'd been with my current boy about six months I started to get the old 'Sooo... are you guys, y'know...'
And people either didn't believe me when I said we weren't, or looked at me like I was some kind of prude.
But you eventually realize that although they are your friends, it's not what they say that matters. Whether you want to have sex or not is entirely YOUR decision, and if your boyfriend is understanding about it, then that's even better. Nothing like having a man who will respect your decision.
Wait as long as you feel you need to, whether that be months, or even years, /regardless/ of what anyone else says to you.
(For the record, I made my lad wait over a year, and I don't regret it).
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female
reader, I'llTryToHelp  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Ok, I had to answer this one. Are your friends always around when you're with your boyfriend? Don't you have alone time?Why is it your friends' business what you and your boyfriend do during your time together? You are not obligated to tell your friends everything. I'm sure they don't tell you everything even if they say they do.The only person that should make the decision about when you have sex is YOU and only YOU! Not your boyfriend, not your friends.... Even if your boyfriend starts begging you every day and you're not ready, then don't do it until you are. You don't owe him anything, do you understand what I mean?I hope so.... Wait until you're ready.
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male
reader, typ3  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Well I'm a boy (as you can see) and I just registerd so I could answer this question.The thing with boys is that they are just like girls, as strange as it may sound. The common factor in our life is friends. Whatever your friends say your bound to do it, eventualy. The same goes for him. If his friends is understanding and not as "pushy" as your firends are, you will be fine. If they are not you'll probably "have" to do it in the near future.Let me explain it a bit more simple.You love him, and he loves you. When he talks or just is near your friends he is bound to feel the pressure to. When you are near his friends you probably feel it to. As time goes you will both feel the need to do something to settle the tention, and if you don't clear it all up you will have to have sex with him. Think of this like a mind trick your friends are playing.What you must do is talk to him, not just explaining that you'll like to take it slow, but tell him you'r not going to have sex with him before you'r ready. That may take from 1 year to 10 years. Let him have the chance to back out of the relationship.This isn't a myth. If he loves you (as much as you love him) he will tell you something like "I don't mind how long I'll have to wait, I love you!". If he doesn't, well, he's not in that relationship for the same reasons as you.Boys and girls have needs, but needs isn't everything. Me and my girlfriend had the same "problems". She didn't want to have sex because she felt like it was a bit strange and what you said "Gross". She asked me the same question I told you to ask, and I stayd with here. 6-7 months later we did have sex, but it was on her terms. I may have pushed a bit, but boys will be boys. You'll just have to stick to your meanings and don't lett your friends or him get the upper hand.You may now think: well if you (Me, the writer) pushed her it wasn't her destition to have sex, but it was. You see, in a relationship you'll have to give as much as you take. But you are asking him to wait with sex and kissing etc, so you'll just have to bear him asking (if he does that is).If you give yourself to him just to make him happy you have not understood the consept of love!Your not making him happy, your making his and your friends happy and all you do is play a game you will allways lose.Sex is one of the greatest things a couple can have if played correctly.So what am I saying?- Talk to him and explain more firm- Explain to your friends how a boyfriend that understand things like this is a much better kind then the ones that jump in the bed after two nights.- Give and take, but for the same value.- If you don't give him a ultimatium, you will have to have sex.- But remember, what you'r asking is big!I hope this helps. I am a boy and know my stuff. It may seem a bit harsh, but thats how I belive I will get trough to you.Best of luck with the relationship. Hope it works out.ps. Sorry for the typo's from Norway you see.
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male
reader, typ3 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Well I'm a boy (as you can see) and I just registerd so I could answer this question.The thing with boys is that they are just like girls, as strange as it may sound. The common factor in our life is friends. Whatever your friends say your bound to do it, eventualy. The same goes for him. If his friends is understanding and not as "pushy" as your firends are, you will be fine. If they are not you'll probably "have" to do it in the near future.Let me explain it a bit more simple.You love him, and he loves you. When he talks or just is near your friends he is bound to feel the pressure to. When you are near his friends you probably feel it to. As time goes you will both feel the need to do something to settle the tention, and if you don't clear it all up you will have to have sex with him. Think of this like a mind trick your friends are playing.What you must do is talk to him, not just explaining that you'll like to take it slow, but tell him you'r not going to have sex with him before you'r ready. That may take from 1 year to 10 years. Let him have the chance to back out of the relationship.This isn't a myth. If he loves you (as much as you love him) he will tell you something like "I don't mind how long I'll have to wait, I love you!". If he doesn't, well, he's not in that relationship for the same reasons as you.Boys and girls have needs, but needs isn't everything. Me and my girlfriend had the same "problems". She didn't want to have sex because she felt like it was a bit strange and what you said "Gross". She asked me the same question I told you to ask, and I stayd with here. 6-7 months later we did have sex, but it was on her terms. I may have pushed a bit, but boys will be boys. You'll just have to stick to your meanings and don't lett your friends or him get the upper hand.You may now think: well if you (Me, the writer) pushed her it wasn't her destition to have sex, but it was. You see, in a relationship you'll have to give as much as you take. But you are asking him to wait with sex and kissing etc, so you'll just have to bear him asking (if he does that is).If you give yourself to him just to make him happy you have not understood the consept of love!Your not making him happy, your making his and your friends happy and all you do is play a game you will allways lose.Sex is one of the greatest things a couple can have if played correctly.So what am I saying?- Talk to him and explain more firm- Explain to your friends how a boyfriend that understand things like this is a much better kind then the ones that jump in the bed after two nights.- Give and take, but for the same value.- If you don't give him a ultimatium, you will have to have sex.- But remember, what you'r asking is big!I hope this helps. I am a boy and know my stuff. It may seem a bit harsh, but thats how I belive I will get trough to you.Best of luck with the relationship. Hope it works out.ps. Sorry for the typo's from Norway you see.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Don't listen to your friends.It's not their relationship.
And if you feel like you have to sleep with him or do any
sexual favors for him,then it's not worth it.No one should
be forced to go further because their friends or boyfriend
wants them to.Or for ANY reason.Hope I helped!If I didn't,
SORRY!
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