A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My LDR boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 months. He always forgets our anniversaries, but I'm used to it. For the past two months, we haven't been able to talk properly.. He says he's too busy with school even if i try to get in contact with him in any way. They take days to reply to my texts, and I feel very distant. Looking through our old texts, I do feel like they love (loved ?) me.. I'm confused. :(
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 May 2021):
 Have you ever even met this boy? You don't mention you have in your post so I suspect you only know him as an on-line/phone buddy. It is not possible to "love" someone you haven't met, or only met briefly. Love comes from spending time together, facing challenges together, supporting each other through thick and thin and from sharing life values, not from chatting on line or on the phone.
Few teenagers manage to have long-lasting relationships, even if they are in physical contact. An LDR is hard work at any time, especially for ones so young. It sounds like, for him at least, the relationship has run its course and fizzled out. He is just too immature to tell you so and make a clean break, so he pretends he doesn't have time to talk to you, hoping you will "take the hint" and end the relationship for him. You do know nobody is so busy they cannot make time to communicate with you for days on end, don't you? If he cared, he would MAKE the time, even if it was just for a brief chat every couple of days.
Stop selling yourself so short. Message him one last time, just saying something like "As you have made it clear you don't have time for me, I will end this relationship for you as I deserve to be treated better than this." I doubt you will hear from him again. You DO deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2021): Oh, sweetheart, I know this is heartbreaking for you. I have to agree with your boyfriend. He has to concentrate on his studies; because he soon has to apply for colleges. My guess is that it's not completely his choice; but his parents may be suggesting that he not spend so much time online, and he should concentrate on school.
He's at an age when boys do like girls; but they can't be as serious and obsessed over relationships as girls. He wants to runaround and hangout with his buddies, play video-games online; and just be a kid. You're all wrapped-up in puppy-love and romance, and needy for attention. I'm sorry, but boys his age just don't get that deep into it. If I were his dad, I would suggest he didn't; and would encourage him to enjoy being a kid; and to make sure he is studying, and keeping-up his grades. I would also discourage him from being online too much; he has to engage his mind and body in other activities as well. He needs to socialize like a teenager, and make some friends. Covid has kept everyone confined; and now restrictions are being lifted in different parts of the world. He just wants to get-out for some fresh air, and maybe even play some sports. Do some of the stuff he couldn't do over the last several months. In my opinion, so should you!
You also have your schoolwork, and should be having fun; while keeping in-touch or catching-up with your friends. You shouldn't be too deeply infatuated over a boy. He's only a kid, and he doesn't know how to take a relationship so seriously yet. You also have to understand that boys and girls your age can't carry-on deeply serious relationships too long. You should be dating other people, and not taking things so seriously that you lose focus on your schoolwork; or become depressed when you can't force people you like to let you monopolize all their time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 May 2021):
 This will happen OP, especially with an LDR
Everyone has lives outside of a relationship. He has school, family, and friends (and so do you). Where HE might prioritize his school or friends over you - you might not and then there is an imbalance.
You can't let your life REVOLVE around him. He can not be the center of your universe.
Spend time with friends, with family, and your own schooling. Your education should matter to you.
Pull back from constantly wanting contact and from reaching out. Either he will notice and start reaching out to you, OR he won't, and IF he doesn't then perhaps you need to consider that he saw you more as entertainment and a fling than an actual GF. And while that hurts, it's better to know now than waste more time on someone who IS NOT into you to the same degree.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 May 2021):
 You are still very young, so i would not invest to much emotional attachment to this relationship.
At you age now its all about schooling, having fun with your friends, and having casual light hearted relationships.
If your boyfriend is your age, which i suspect he is, his maturity level is going to be a few years behind yours, so i would be inclined to this relationship with a pinch of salt.
Its also a LDR relationship which are never easy. I think him being despondent, forgetting special events, and being generally to busy for you are signs maybe he is either just not as into you as you are him, or finding the LDR difficult.
You are only 16/17, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Enjoy being young and embrace life, and stop worrying about a LDR relationship that more than likely will just fizzle out of its own accord.
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