A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am concerned about my boyfriend. He is friends with a girl he slept with once a number of years ago and she has confessed to him that she is in love with him but he continues o chat with her on a regular basis. I have just found out about her and that he has been talking with and I am not happy. I read his phone and worked out that he once said goodnight to me as he was extremely tired but then got off the phone and rang her and spoke for an hour. She basically ignores that he has a girlfriend.I cant work why he would want to continue to talk with her.. he has told her that he is in love with me but she is so persistent. I think he likes the attention... I give him heaps!! .... what is he doing... should i trust him?
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (13 April 2011):
Hell no you shouldn't trust him. Lookie here, if he hung up with you because he was tired but called her and talked with her for an hour then that is a red flag that something's amiss. Take it from a guy that made the mistake of playing that game once and paid for it, he's playing you for a fool. Were I a bettin' man, I'd put money on him that he's probably cheated with her in recent times. What is he doing, you ask? Refer to sexlessintheuk's response. You can't really place the blame on her AS MUCH as him, he knows whats up, girl.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): H, first off i must warn you never to check your boyfriends phone/emails etc as it is betrayal of trust and i've known people to have broken up due to the boyfriend finding out about this. You MUSTtalk to him directly. There's nothing wrong with your man beign friends with his ex however, that only remains okay if both of them are aware they are only friends and genuinely only see each other that wat and even then contact should be quite minimal and definitely visits must be in a public setting.
If he doesn't like this girl that way and genuinely has eyes for you he shouldn't be contacting this ex anyway if he knows she's still in love with him as for him to call/text/visit her is cruel at this time as it only makes her feelings stronger for him and is cruel to her. He should no this which should make you quetion his motives. I advise that you sit him down and explain the above to him that he must know that to be so close to someone who's still in love with you and you have history with is a bad idea and will spur her on to think she has a chance. He has moved on now and you should be his priority. Admit to him you checked his phone but definitely apologise for that violation of privacy but explain that you felt helpless. You're his girlfriend and therefore you have a say in how he treats his exes. Unless he lessens his contact with this girl to a standard that you're happy with and he tells you when and what they are doing when they meet up to keep you in the loop and give you piece of mind i would question the relationship. You're boyfriend is playing off his ex it seems to get desired attention but it is cruel so her should he not be wanting her back and it is cruel to you because you should be his priority. Stand strong and talk to him as soon as possible! Good luck :)
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