A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this is quite detailed and long I just really need some help!Well in a month I will have been with my boyfrind for 2 years, its a happy healthy relationship apart from one thing - his ex and still best friend.Its not just the fact they were together why I don't like her she's the type of person I despise, long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, perfect body/personality, and has everybody falling at her feet, and my god she plays on it .. I just can't stand that type of person. There's also been an incident where we were at a party at his house, she was there we were all drunk and he began calling me her name then we went upstairs and started getting intimate and well when he was finishing (sorry can't think of a better way to say it) he called her name and afterwards we were cuddling and he said I love you*her name* and I've just hated her more since.We've booked to go away this June and she's invited because she's still friends with all of our friends too and I've tried to ignore it but (I know this but sounds stupid but) I have really bad nightmares that seem so real that she tries things and my boyfriend being the most caring, nicest person ever doesn't want to hurt anybodies feeling so he just replies then I wake up crying.So last night I asked him if he was willing to give up speaking to her for my happiness because I can't stop feeling jealous and she's the only reason we argue and he said he doesn't want to hurt her feelings and he doesn't want to stop talking to her because they've been friends for 9 years and he's so close they're like brother and sister, I'm a very jealous and dependant person and this made me so upset .. And I said if you don't want to hurt anybodies feeling why am I sat crying now, so I said who's feelings care more and are you going to stop talking for my happiness or not and he replied with 'Irather leave than hurt her feelings, so you can be happy without me' and he left me there and then.This morning we've talked some more and he said I'm completely in the wrong and too jealous and that I have one more chance, he's staying friends with her no matter what and I'm not allowed to question it, I'm not allowed to make a sarcastic comment about her or scowl when somebody mentions her name or he leaves.I don't know if I can not say things or think things, but I never want to loose him .. First and only relationship, first love .. I don't want to loose what we have!Sorry for it being so long and graphic at partsThankyou for reading!xx
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best friend, drunk, his ex, I love you, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): The part that gets to me is where he said he'd rather be friends with her than be in a relationship with you. As his girlfriend, you should be his top priority, and it sounds like you're not sorry. You shouldn't settle for being second best here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): hi honey, personally i think it is VERY worrying that he said her name while having sex with you! if my boyfriend did that i would go absolutely wild and would have serious concerns. sorry to worry you! but if its bothering you that much and hes effectively choosing her friendship over your relationship then lay down the law and walk away. you deserve more respect.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Wow, you really need to get over being so petty.
I am NOT a fan of people staying friends with an ex for the most part, but some people are able to pull it off without it being more then an actual friendship. Since she is part of a larger group of people it does make it harder to stop talking to each other.
This girl has done nothing to you. YOUR BF on the other hand has. SHE didn't put a gun to his head and say, when you have sex with your GF say my name... did she? That was HIS slip of the tongue.
So because she is pretty and knows it, she is automatically a bad person?
This is such a common theme with girls/women. They get mad at other girls and forget their BF's actions and even their own.
So you don't like her, you are jealous of her, I get that. You don't want to be compared to her. That is all well and good, but being sarcastic and dropping snarky remarks about her only makes YOU look bad.
You have to consider this, do you trust your BF ? If the answer is yes, then act like it. Don't tell him who he can talk to and be friends with. The more you try and emotionally blackmail him into picking YOU over her, the more you push him away and the more "loyal" he might feel for his "friend" the ex. Do you also expect everyone else in the group of friends to stop talking to her? All because she USED to ( focus on USED to) date your BF.
Stop making it a competition.
Take the high road and don't make HER to focus on YOUR relationship with your BF.
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