A
female
age
36-40,
*nnocentgirl
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7months, and we are in a long distance relationship. We see each other for 2 weeks a month, so we get to see each other as much as we can. Things were going fine, but he is very addicted to video games, and he's 27 years old. When we first met, I didn't have much of a problem, because I use to game myself. But I got myself a new job which helped occupy myself, and now I just barley game at all..in fact it doesn't interest me anymore. But my boyfriend just can't stop. Whether he's at home, he'll play his pc games, which means he won't text back for hours on end. Or if he's away, or coming to see me, he'll bring his tablet which of course has games on! I've had many goes at him about it, how he offers to make me cup of tea and I have too wait 15 minutes for it, because he can't put his game down, or he'll just play for hours and just forgets about everything that goes on around him. I have to keep asking him to stop, and I just don't know what to do. What makes it worse is were already in a long distance relationship, and when we do see each other, half the time he just always wants to play. I've tried to be kind and calm and ask him nicely, and then he'll start again the next day, and when I nag at him, he reminds me of that he's sorry and how he "cares" eyes, and then it makes me look bad for nagging. It's doesn't also help that he adores his friends alot, who of course are all gamers too. I just don't know how to make him grow up, and just stop. I grew out of it, why can't he?He doesn't have a full time job, but does part time promotional work, but sadly it's not enough hours to distract him entirely from it. And when he does finish work, he's tired because he had a late night of gaming. This ladies and gentlemen, is the guy who wants me to move with him to London in May. I don't think I could cope.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): So... you used to game, but stopped, and because you stopped, he should too? Why?
You knew he gamed when the relationship started, so why try to change him now?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 January 2015):
 my husband and I met gaming (in real life playing board games) he also plays on an MMO and we were LDR for the first year we were dating.
It was not till close to the end of the LDR part that he started gaming on "my time" (i.e weekends when we were together) but he also always asked if I minded. I did not as I have things to keep me busy while he's busy.
IF your guy can't manage to stop gaming when you are together NOW.. how do you think it will go once you move in together?
In addition, my husband loves his game but he works full time and he is responsible about work and chores and gaming.
IF your guy is not ready to be a grown up then maybe it's time for him to not have a girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (21 January 2015):
 Dump him. I'm a gamer too and he is being stupid obsessive. Do you really want to keep dealing with that? Men don't change, especially their gaming habits. And you're also in an LDR on top of everything. I was in one for a year and she ended up cheating on me a week before we saw each other again. Trust me, they never end well.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 January 2015):
Ask yourself this...Would you marry a guy like this??? If the answer is yes...then stop complaining. If the answer is no...because you want a man who will look after you and possible kids, have a home together, a job, and motivated for his family? Hmmm, what should you do???
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Here is a suggestion, make a pact with yourself that you will not contact him, but will wait for him to contact you.
This will show you what comes first in his mind, you or his gaming, if you and he normally communicate throughout the day or even once or twice daily and he doesn't contact you for two or more days, then that is how long it took him to realise maybe he should contact you to make sure you didn't slip down the icy steps and end up in hospital or something worse ........
Then you will be able to decide, based on how long it takes him to contact you, how important you are to him, and if he is worth expending any more time, breath or energy on.
And I would not be contemplating moving anywhere with him until he has developed a healthier work/play balance.
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A
female
reader, Delirium +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Oh boy, your question hits very close to home for me and I haven't yet found a great solution. My boyfriend and I have been together for little over 4 years. We have lived together for 2.5 maybe 3 now. And the amount of time spent on video games was a constant sore point between us. He's a good guy and I don't really have any complaints. We both work full time and almost all his free time is spent gaming. We both have custom PCs and a joint Xbox One. I also game now and again but I have much less trouble pulling myself away to do the house keeping, cooking, laundry, taking care of the pets, etc. But I would get so angry that I was the one responsible for everything else while he was zoned out in front of the computer. We would fight, he would understand it was a problem, then he would help out for a day. The next day he would say "Just one match" or "But my friend [insert whoever's name here] asked if I could get on, I haven't talked with him in so long" and it would start all over again. It's an addiction plain and simple. Recently he read about a story on [due to moderation I will not list website but. . .kappa] that got him into reading about relationship troubles. It was a pure accident but he realized that there were loads of relationships out there struggling because of one partner gaming too much. It was an epiphany for him. At that moment he realized that all the times I was complaining I wasn't just being annoying or insensitive to his need to unwind but I was actually fighting against something that I saw to be a relationship killer in the long run. He has actively started working on cutting down the amount of time he spends gaming and is keeping a log. I would like to give you some sagely advice that will fix your situation but I wasn't even able to fix my own. It took chance and a perfect set of online pleas for help to make him realize he had a problem. All I can say is you won't have any better luck until he realizes that what he is doing is hurting the relationship. You can't convince an alcoholic to change until they realize they are an alcoholic in the first place. He needs something to make him understand that gaming, in the quantity he is playing, is a problem. And you simply telling him probably won't be enough. Good luck!
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