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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm having problems with my boyfriend. In short, once he asked about my past, didn't like whet he heard, and now it's exhausting trying to reassure him, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells!My past is not bad, but he jus didn't like it - not like I had orgies, far from it, I remained a virgin until my firs proper relationship... the one with him!He's my first love, my first everything. Yet he believes the guy that I dated casually (in a friend with benefits fashion) had it better. He thinks that my parents liked him more, that I was better towards him, that I felt better with him, etc...Truth is, if it weren't because of the constant reminders from my bf, I'd never think of my ex. That is so FOUR years ago! True, we were close friends and a lot of things that bother my bf are stuff that were merely friendly, i.e. inviting him over for my birthday, giving him a present for his b-day, lending him cd's, etc...My boyfriend is so sweet most of the time. But I'm constantly tense - I never know what may trigger a disfavourable reaction. For instance, today my dad drove him somewhere. Then we were talking about it. I mentioned he and my dad have some things in common. And he got really angry, because he "doesn't have as much as common with my dad as HE did!". Then he went on and on about how my mother liked "HIM" better...It's exhausting. He just won't believe me when I say that he's the best and the light that shines in my heart! It's so hard because he talks about marriage and a lot of exciting plans for the future, but the moment I say something inadequate, he just can'f handle it. The problem is sometimes I just don't even suspect that something I'm about to say will give me that reaction.I really adore him and don't want to lose him, but sadly, this has been going on for more than a year. As I said, most of the time he's sweet. Sometimes the situation improves greatly, we don't argue, etc. But then, a wrong word, and BAM! Everything falls...I don't know what to do, I just feel like nothing I do is ever enough. I try apologizing, and nothing. I just have to let him cool off. But I can't take it. What can I do to improve the communication, what do guys like to hear in this situation? Reassuring him has given no positive result. He just compares and compares, and in his eyes, he just can't measure up to my "ex" (who wasn't even my boyfriend). He's like obsessed or something!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): He has the emotions because it's normal for him to. He was born male and he wants you for his own.
Emotions aren't rational and we're crazy to expect them to ever be. The only thing your boyfriend has ANY kind of control over is what he does about his emotions. They'll certainly never go away.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Your BF needs to understand that past is past. You're not with him to talk about past, but to make a future.
Life is ahead, move forward. You want your life's path to cross and point out in the same direction.
I never ask anybody about their past, I want to know about their future, dreams, goals, what's ahead. I want to see if I can relate to that, and help them achieve that.
What I would like to hear in that situation is this "My past is my past, I'm sorry you don't like it but it happened. I am not with you to remind me about my past but to share a future with you. Right now what you're doing is not only compromising our future but, sometimes, making the present less beautiful than it should be when I'm around you."
That's just me ..
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