A
female
age
30-35,
*aime90
writes:i thankyou all for your time in reading this, and advice is appreciated, i need help!i am 18 (keep in mind i live in australia where the legal age is 16) and my boyfriend is 23. the age difference is not a problem, i am more mature then most 18 year olds and he is around the same level of maturity, if not a little less mature.we have been dating for 9 months, and his jealousy started to become a major problem about 6 months ago. when we first started going out we were open about our history, and that time it didnt bother him. i have slept with 4 other men, all of which i have had strong feelings for, altough by 2 i was tricked into beliveing they felt the same way, and i was used. after my ex boyfriend broke up with me i became very upset and lacked self confidence. i felt ugly and fat, which i know i am not. i went out every weekend and during the course of around a year i kissed about 15 guys at clubs, and a few i was seeing. i regret some of my past, the guys at clubs, i know this was wrong but at the time i never thought i would feel so bad for it. i know im not a slut but i do feel bad, sometimes i feel like im such a bad personwhen i was 15 (and a virgin) i was raped. it has been over 3 years and it still hurts me. i told my boyfriend this, i have never told anyone in the world. he gets angry at me and says i am stupid for not reporting it. but i was too scared. he says it hurts him so much and he wishes i would tell him. one night he got drunk and said that i probably led the guy on.He has only been intimate with one girl before, his ex girlfriend of two years. they now have a baby together which makes my situation so much harder. he lied to me telling me he had sex with another girl, and that about 5 times at clubs he has fingered girls. he also points out women and says "i have hooked up with her" all of which are lies to hurt me.sometimes when he says these things i belive it and it makes me feel like a slut.when he thinks about my past he gets so angry and calls me names. he calls me slut, whore, and tells me to go fuck myself. i understand that this is a defense mecahnism because my past hurts him, but it is completely wrong and lately when he has been saying it i have told him i cant be with him, but when it comes down to it i cant leave him. he is the first guy i have been completely in love with, i want to marry him and i need this to be fixed.His anger is set off by the tinyest of things. i never bring up my past or talk about guys. he does not trust me yet i have given him no reason not too. i have never been unfaithful i would never dream of it, as i know how it feels from previous relationships.i need to know what to do when he gets angry. he doesnt talk to me and if i try to fix things he just gets worse. if i get angry things really blow up. i usually just dont talk to him and we go to bed not talking and the next day were also not talking and it goes on. but in the end, it always has to be me fixing the fights. he says sometimes he wants to talk about things nd sometimes he doesnt, so i never know what to do.recently he made a myspace account specifically so he could read through my previous comments. he went through 2 years of comments and found comments from guys (who were only friends) and found 2 pictures friends had posted of me and my ex kissing. he blew up over this and was saying he cant look at me and he cant kiss me. i told him its his fault, he knew he would find things about guys but he still looked.he says its my fault because those things were posted there and i never took them down, but i had forgotten about them and i dont even use myspace now.when i want to go out with friends he says he doesnt trust me because i love men. he thinks i will cheat on him and chat up guys. so everytime i want to go he plays a guilt trip until i decide against going. i made a male friend at uni and i am not allowed to talk to him anymore because my boyfriend is unturstworthy, even though he has female friends at uni i dont have a problem with it, even though they ask him questions like "whats your tongue technique like" and tell details of their sex life this gets to me but i wouldnt tell him not to talk to themsorry about the long post, i am so thankful for anyone with advice. i need to know how to fix my relaitonship!
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broke up, confidence, drunk, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, kissing, my ex, myspace, sex life, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): i can say that i understand u.i m almost in the same situation like u.my man also sickly jelous.let me tell u something.there is no way that u can make him change.and believe me it is not about your past.even if you dont have a past like that(which i think not too bad)he would find something to get crayz like he is now.so my advice is dont feel guilty and dont make him understand that u feel guilty.he thinks that he doesnt wanna kiss u but he is still with u,it means he can not leave u so easyly.so after now maybe u should be the one who is up.make him understan that past is past u r with him now and faithfull to him but if he will continoue like this he will lost u.make him feel like u r faithfull but not addicted to him.as i said before u cant change him but u can change the roles.let him be the one who is afraid to loose u.but even if u change the roles ur relationship will be always stressfull and full of arguements.and since he is having a baby from other girl everything will be more complicated.so u should think what kind of a future u want and can u have it with him?i hope everything will be good for u honey.
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