A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used my boyfriend's computer the other day and he has a folder open, I closed the browser and it was there and I notice there was porn in there. I thought, ''oh well, it's normal'' but I kept looking out of curiosity and found some pretty gross stuff as well as hentai, stuff that involved rape, pictures of one of his friend's ass which he took with his phone, pictures of girls from his uni he saved from Facebook where they are showing a bit of skin, etc.I feel disgusted. After doing a lot of research I saw opinions of people thinking that stuff like hentai is not that weird but I can't understand how someone can jerk off to a cartoon? There's also some pretty weird stuff called ''tentacle hentai'' which shows girls being raped by monsters. Help me!!! What should I do? I don't want him to touch me anymore, I feel completely turned off by him and now I feel like I'm being compared to a freaking cartoon and also to the girls from his uni who he spends time with every day, who he goes clubbing with, etc.
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female
reader, kittywaffles  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 I think the easiest and most simple way out of this is telling your boyfriend about your "findings" on his computer. You need to talk and figure out where you stand, because otherwise you're just wasting your precious energy on worrying about it when you could've dealt with it. In my case, my boyfriend didn't get mad about me snooping. In fact, he was, despite his embarrassment, happy about me finding out, as it provided him with the initiative to stop doing what he was doing (insofar as it was emotionally hurting me). And if your boyfriend got mad at you because you were snooping, then I don't think he really respects you, in which case you should leave him. If he truly loves you, there should be no problem whatsoever with him deleting things you find disturbing and disgusting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Sometimes, I think faster than I type:
In that case, *he's* saving pictures of other women while you two are dating and I think that crosses a line of trust. I think you should confront him, admit that you snooped, and tell him you saw the pictures of women *he* saved off the internet. I think bringing up the porn is a distraction from that.
I think it's important before you approach him to decide if you want to be in this relationship...to me, it sounds like this is a deal breaker for you and I wouldn't blame you for it. To tell you the truth, he sounds immature and not particularly loyal to you. Not all men are like that or like porn for that matter.
You're young and intelligent, I'm sure you'll find someone else out there.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): In that case, that he's saving pictures of other women while you two are dating, I think that crosses a line of trust. I think you should confront him, admit that you snooped, and tell him you saw the pictures of women you saved off the internet. I think bringing up the porn is a distraction from that.
I think it's important before you approach him to decide if you want to be in this relationship...to me, it sounds like this is a deal breaker for you and I wouldn't blame you for it. To tell you the truth, he sounds immature and not particularly loyal to you. Not all men are like that or like porn for that matter.
You're young and intelligent, I'm sure you'll find someone else out there.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I disagree that fantasy is just fantasy. Your boyfriend is getting off on rape. He may not be a rapist, but that makes him someone who enjoys rape and that's horrifying. Do you want to be with someone who gets turned on by rape?
I also disagree that it's "his right" to have photos of girls he knows in with masturbation material. That's totally inappropriate in my view to be masturbating over photos of people he knows.
I think you should end this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Exactly, I DID invade his privacy which is why I can't talk to him about this because I do feel bad about this so.
There's only a three year difference between us, which I don't think is thaaat bad, we've been together since I was 15 and he was 19 (I was almost 16 and he had just turned 19), and I'm almost 18 anyway.
He DID take those photos while we were already dating, I did check the date, which is why I feel so upset.
I know some people don't think it's weird to watch cartoons having sex but I personally do and I feel really uncomfortable around him now, it's all I can think about, which is why I'm asking for advice mostly, I don't want to hear the type of advice I would get from my friends (obviously haven't told them about this and I don't think I will) which would be ''dump the weirdo!'', I'm asking for advice on what to do about this or if there's someone who has had a similar issue with their boyfriend/girlfriend and what they did to overcome it. Thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): First off, you were snooping through his private things. And you're now in a position where you can't talk to him about this without confessing that you invaded his privacy. He now has just as much right to be upset with you.Secondly, I think you're taking these images personally when you don't need to. Did you enjoy your sex life before? I don't use porn frequently, but when I do, I use it in place of sex, I don't use it as a basis of comparison for my sex life. To make the logical leap that you're being compared to a cartoon because you find cartoon images on his computer is irrational and not likely true. Thirdly, I do think porn tends to say something about a person's tastes and the fantasies they enjoy. That's probably why like most people, he keeps it private. They are just fantasies and I believe everyone has a right to have fantasies. They don't have a right to impose them on you. Lastly, I would reserve my suspicion for the photos of girls from his university. Do you know when they were loaded? If they were loaded before you started dating him, if he's was just using them for fodder, and if he was single at the time, it might be a bit creepy, but he has a right to do this.The one thing that did trouble me about your post was that you're 16-17 and dating someone in university? I'm guessing there might be a 4 year difference between you two? It's a little unusual and given the difference I'm sure there are things you two can't appreciate about each other. For what it's worth, I'm guessing he likes younger women because he finds them easier to impress than his peers in university...some might assume he's immature for that, but it's a thought to keep in mind considering he enjoys cartoon porn and copies photos of his classmates that he finds on facebook.All that said, if you don't like the things you found out, you have a right to end the relationship. And perhaps that's the best thing to do for you. I just think you should be honest about your reasons.Good luck.
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