A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. When we first met he was romantic , silly, and Absolutley wonderful to me. As our relationship went on I noticed he felt really embarrassed by showing me any affection. He always is sarcastic and jokes even when I'm crying. I feel like he has no idea how to handle me when I need him to be there for me. And I cannot emphasize the lack of affection! I beg him for a hug and he rolls his eyes and goes "fine". I don't know what's up with him ! He tells me he loves me but everything we talk about he makes it funny . I don't know if its an escape from embarrassment or what please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): He really does make it appear to be a chore. I have talked to him about this and he says "it's hard for him" I wonder if maybe losing his relationship with his mother took a toll on him to be the "big man" of his two siblings ... He always has to not show his emotions . He says he'll try better but it's hard bc he always forgets and I said "don't you just feel like you want to do that stuff because you love me"?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Have you spoken to him about this?Otherwise, if you don't see any hope, ditch him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): OP this boils to two things when it comes to affection.
1. He just doesn't get to urge to feel affectionate with you, doesn't look at you and think "check her out, I need her close to me". Which I don't need to explain just means he's not really in love with you romantically.
2. He's just not the affection type, loves you but just doesn't like affection and feels it's a chore.
OP in terms of affection you're simply incompatible, this is pretty much the way it's going to be, he'll always make being affectionate sound like a chore OP. Can you live with that in a man?
Now the sarcasm thing is something I know well as I'm very sarcastic but there is a time and a place and honestly at his age he really should know when that is but he doesn't seem to care OP, I mean it's really not appropriate in times when you need to be serious but he brushes you off using sarcasm and that's not good. I mean he uses sarcasm as a means to avoid any kind of serious discussion or anything like that.
OP you say it's to escape embarrassment, what the hell does he have to embarrassed about with his girlfriend of one year? OP he's not some spotty awkward teenager, he should be mature enough and probably is to understand that he can't act that way but I honestly think it's just a matter of not caring all that much. Now if I'm wrong and this is just how he handles serious times and issues like when you cry over something that has upset, then how the hell is that supposed to work?
I don't think it can.
At first he was awesome, great, doing everything to impress you, now that he has you and has relaxed into being himself it turns out he's not exactly boyfriend material OP, or boyfriend material for you.
If this is not how you think you can go on then this is going to require a serious conversation and maybe your only option is to walk away. You're just too different in ways that really matter.
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