A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend me three years are really struggling at the moment. He's at uni and i work full time so we don't see eachother durin the day. He works in a bar to make his money which means he has to work several nights a week. He also plays football alot and often goes out with friends. This means we've gone from seeing eachother most days to just 2 nights a week. And those two nights are just a few hours each. It's gettin ridiculous. We text eachother all the time but its like we're havin a relationship through our phones. We text more than we speak face to face. And i wouldn't want him to miss out on things, but i'd always arrange my plans around seein him but he doesn't do the same. This means the majority of the time i'm sat at home alone because all my closest friends are with their partners. I feel lonely. We're constantly fighting these days, he says he's gettin frustrated with not seein eachother too but i always make myself available for him, it's him with the busy life and other plans. I don't know what to do. He says we can get through it but i'm a wreck. I'm crying all the time. I miss him. I don't know how to handle this. I've thought about leaving him but i can't imagine being apart from him. Please help i need to know where to go from here:)
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female
reader, sammi star +, writes (23 February 2010):
 I know EXACTLY how you're feeling hun, in fact that question could've been written by me!
My boyfriend works long hours and the commute takes forever too so we never see each other during the week unless he's free on his day off but that's very rare and soon I'll be starting a job with long hours which means it will be impossible.
He's also going back to being in a band which means we'll have less time together at the weekend but like you, I don't want to stop him from doing the things he loves.
So basically we see each other saturdays and some of sunday usually but I used to be in your situation of not seeing him for 2 weeks. I'd sit around doing nothing because I'd opened up my schedule on the off chance my bf would be around and it only made me sadder when he let me down again. You need to stop doing this. I totally get that you wanna keep your time free coz you're gonna be gutted if he says he can meet you but you have other plans right? Well believe me once you stop making yourself so available he will free up a bit more of his time for you. Arrange nights out with your girlfriends, get out there and have fun to stop you thinking about him 24/7.
Sit him down next time you see him and have a serious chat. Tell him things have got to change and you're not going to accept this kind of relationship anymore. If you can't see each other during the week it's not the end of the world, I know it's hard but that's the way it is for most people now, trying to juggle work, relationships, family, social commitments etc but he needs to make time for you when he's free instead of spending it all with his friends or playing football. Maybe show him the question you posted? that way he can see how much this is getting to you and if he loves you he'll do something about it. Good luck x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Seek out your own interests and friends so you do not feel lonely and absolutely dependent on him for your existence.
He should make the effort to meet you as you do for him.
Use your imaginationS to spice up the few hours you have together to MAKE THEM SIGNIFICANT to your relationship.
Improve your ability to communicate with each other so as to build a relationship rather than to put it asunder.
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