A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am on the verge of leaving my boyfriend of 9 months. It's been a rocky road as he is going through a divorce. There is no love lost but he can't seem to get things sorted out even though his ex has a new family.He is very up and down and was depressed and grumpy over Christmas. I have tried to make allowances. He can be quite rude about my weight. Im a size 12 Uk and he says Im really attractive but need to tone up. He calls me a snob and a numpty and then says he's joking but it feels like he's putting me down. I always pull him up each time but he brushes it off.He does nice things for me at my place and cooks lovely meals but ruins it all with sarcastic comments about me which feel personal. He says my singing is crap and he doesn't like most of my clothes if I ask if I look ok.His mother was abusive and violent and he doesn't see her now and he had a horrible 15 year marriage. His grown up son is rude to him and the rest of the family. I've tried to be loving and understanding and talk to him but he just doesn't get it. Now he says he loves me but feels numb inside. He says he might be depressed but won't go for help.I feel like he is really dragging me down. I don't feel like making an efffort for his birthday in two weeks after the way he has treated me. He ruined Christmas with his moods and grumpiness. I haven't spoken to him for three days and already it feels better. I don't know if I even love him anymore.
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christmas, depressed, divorce, his ex, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 January 2014):
One more vote for not divorced = still married.
This is exactly why you don't get involved while still married. The process and accompanying emotions tend to cloud and complicate things.
He should get divorced first, get himself together, and then worry about starting other relationships.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Your questions rang bells with me, it all sounded very familiar. Sing your heart out, singing is so good for our health and well being, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Write down what you would like to say to him and then, instead of saying it, SING IT SISTA~ make up your own tune if you want to ..........
and sing it straight! sing at him that its your life and you can sing if you want to, sing him you are a size 12 and that is what you are, if he doesn't like it he can take it and his sarcastic down putting ways and put them where the sun don't shine!
He might look at you as if you have slipped your trolley, but that doesn't matter .... if he tries to put your down during your singing recital keep singing and open the door, sing at him that it is time for him to leave .....
If after that he recognises that he no longer controls your or the relationship agree to have heart to heart talk. Its up to him then if the relationship continues or not, and the first commitment from him will be to seek help for his depression.
Let him know there is no such thing as a third, fourth or fifth chance, if he repeats his behaviour and you pull him up only to have him negate your opinion, show him the door for once and for all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 January 2014):
 I think he is taking all his anger and frustration (with life and with the divorce) out on the one person who "lets" him get away with it - and that is... YOU.
I would back off. There are things going on in his life that he has no control over and it's eating him alive, for him to think it's OK to take it out on you is just not right.
So I would tell him to leave you be til he can treat you right and his divorce is final. IF he does come back and behaves the same way, it's UP TO YOU to tell him to go kick rocks.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 January 2014):
 Then you have your answer.
Your boyfriend doesn't compliment your life. He just brings you down. He may not be an evil person and there may be some explanations for his behaviour but the results are still the same. It's not good for you to be around him.
Let him go. Keep it brief and matter of fact, and don't give him a chance to try to convince you to stay (if he doesn't try then alls the better).
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