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age
30-35,
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writes: I would have been with my boyfriend a year as of the 23rd. Throughout the whole relationship he has had what appeared as trust issues. Looking through my facebook/phone, accusations, and bad thoughts that he said he "couldn't control", running through his head. He would constantly call and text me even when he was at work just to see what/how I was doing. He was always manipulating ones around us by lying, no matter how small the lie was, I can't stand lying. He seemed very unmotivated at times, hard to get to work, and short fused, even with driving. He seemed to always have a reason to need to spend money, however small it seemed, we kept ending up broke. We were living in my parents house, and he ended up quitting his good job. He jumped right into finding another and cleaning the whole house. He finally started working with his dad who we all knew was unreliable, and had a second job delivering pizza's. My mom began to notice how he seemed like he wanted me to just support him the rest of his life, and not do anything for himself. We realized he was quite possessive.Two nights ago we ended up at my uncle's house and were drinking. He started acting like his usual self and I asked him to leave. He refused like normal, but he also literally had no where to go. A huge scene became of it and ended with me calling the cops because he finally left, but had my cards and car keys in his possession. They found him and dropped him off at his parents house, in which by morning he ended up in the hospital because of trashing their house in anger that he had actually lost me this time.He called me non stop and finally I answered and still wanted nothing to do with him. Eventually I got to talking with him and found out that the hospital had actually given him meds and he wasn't able to get angry, nor did he want to anymore, because he didn't want to lose me. I finally went down to help him get released because he had mentioned something to the paramedic that categorized him as suicidal. I got to talking with the mental health doctor and she let me know she has diagnosed him as being bipolar, and that if we get him his meds I would see a day/night difference. He has been out for a day and my mother will not allow him to come back because of his lack of motivation. We can not find him a stable place to live but I told him in order for us to be together he has to do what he has needed to do our whole relationship and get his stuff together. He has an appointment to be able to get free doctor visits and his meds for his bipolar disease in 3 days. My question is are all those issues listed in the first paragraph caused from his disease, and if so is there a chance that everything will get better if he stays with his medicine? I don't expect everything will get better right away but would it be a lost cause to stick with and help to support him? Anyone actually dealing with this disease, can you shed some light at the end of this tunnel? I have researched some stories but they are not as specific in the symptoms as I'd like to give me hope for this relationship.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Sorry about the delay been busy... Glad that things worked out for you ok.
As for me.. heck, bi-polar gets easier.. so there's hope for me and him.
Hoping that me, you and him, get all the happiness the world has to offer. Your a strong sensible lady, and I think you'll stay that way.
Blessings :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much! You were all very helpful at my time of need! I know it must have taking a lot to share your own personal experiences. This is an extremely late update, but better late then never! I have since broken up with him. He was completely unwilling to help himself and still relying on me to take care of things. When we broke up I received non stop calls/texts for a month, and still get the occasional "private" call. Luckily a friend I have know since the 7th grade finally stepped up and we have been together for 3 months now. I no longer talk to my ex but I wish him the best with his situation because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't appreciate my now boyfriend as much as I do. I also wish the best for all of you, especially miamine. Although you did give me some hope for the relationship, it was and is my happiness I crave most, and I was completely miserable. Thank you all again!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 July 2012):
Where was we
From my experience... nope, don't get normal
Tablet's help with the worse, but as he gets better, he won't want to take them, so you have to fight him on that, tablets are important
Don't let him get tired or stressed.. I'm lucky, my friends and family can see the signs.. too tired, too upset, too stressed pumps chemicals in, and that destroys the tablets
The tablets he will be taking are posionious and life threatening, and he will live a short life (sigh) I have blood tests every 3 months and got a whole pile of strange health problems
HE NEEDS CALMS (language destroyed - he needs to stay calm)... YOU NEED TO BE IN CHARGE.. HE NEEDS TABLETS
But babes, if you can't cope, then leave, it's ok.... mental problems damage everyone.. my guy left, my mum is stuck in bed.. don't feel guilty.. you can get sick as well. If you can't cope, run, and be a very good friend from afar.
He can DO BETTER, but he'll always be a bit strange...
If you want to talk, then private mail on Dear Cupid is best, hit the button at the top (sigh... does this sound alright to you, to me it all sounds a little strange)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 July 2012):
Sigh.. time to embarrasess meself, this is hard.
I'm diagnosised with bipolar. The head goes screwy. I know what the doctors say, but I feel fine, I think they is wrong. So I stop the tablets sometimes, and things get funny and I know something is wrong..... and I take them again, feel fine, everything is normal, so doctors must be wrong, I stop, and then things go funny again.
(blush) I'm trying to explain how bi-polar people feel. Our world is normal, you and the dr's are the strange ones. I'm also trying to explain, it doesn't really get normal. You have months of peace and then it gets funny again.
(tired now.. part of the condition) I can't just depend on the tablets. I tell myself every day I need them, because it's so easy not to take them. But I also can't have any problems, upset, distress or tiredness... because even with the tablets, everything gets funny.
I'm lucky to have good friends, many of them on DC...Biopolar is more than up and down (opps.. sorry, my house has fire, I'm cooking a snack)
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female
reader, impala girl  +, writes (17 July 2012):
I have bi polar and yes taking his meds will help as long as he takes them like he is supposed to and never goes off them cold turkey. Just be as understanding and supportive as you can. Some days are better then others though. Unless you have bi polar its hard to understand. It will be OK keep your head up :) hope this helps
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Well.. your boyfriend to some extend can sound similar to my dad. My dad has been diagnosed as bipolar, I think. I don't know for a fact. But he did say it once, after a huge fight we had.
One thing to think about is that personality disorders and other mental health issues often go hand in hand with several diagnoses. There's rarely just one diagnosis, or one problem. One thing often spirals into another, which spirals into yet another, even if the starting point was just one problem. It adds on, or is combined. So even if you look at the symptoms for one diagnosis, those symptoms will vary from person to person dependent on what else they have got going for them.
Also, just reading the lists of symptoms doesn't tell you much about how the effect is in real life. When I say I was schizoid as a child, and having no feelings, people rarely know to what extent that was, or what effects that had on everything in life. So, the listed symptoms alone aren't sufficient for a full description.
Your boyfriend will probably change A LOT when he gets on his medication. From what I've heard, it is like night and day when bipolars are on or off their medication. The thing is.. being bipolar is who they are. And they rarely like being on the numbing medication. The medication numbs them.. takes away parts of who they are. They dislike that, as anyone would. And from what I heard from others who've lived with/knows bipolars who had medication, they went on and off in periods. Because they wanted to reconnect with themselves.
There's also several agony aunts here on dear cupid who have told the same story. They are have bipolar personality disorder, have the medication, but at times want to go off the medication as it numbs them. But they can't fully function in society without.
I think that you should take a few steps back. Don't make promises about being his girlfriend if only this or that changes. So much damage has already been done, and you can't make promises about the future. But you can tell him that you will try to help him, and that you will be there for him to the extend you are capable of. Put some space between you. See how this plays out. Talk about the medication and him needing to take it. Don't be his girlfriend yet, but don't withdraw completely either. No kisses, no holding hands, no sleeping on the same bed. But talk to him, walk with him, and don't date other guys for now.
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