A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been dating for a year and it's the BEST relationship I've ever been in. However, he's starting to be brutally honest and I'm not liking it. I've told him how I felt, even cried and I try to avoid certain topics just because where it can lead to. He wants to be in a honest relationship. He doesn't want to be with anyone else. But my feelings keep getting hurt and I'm not sure how much I can take. Is it me being unable to be in a real honest relationship? Or him being a jerk? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2017):
 Being in an honest relationship means you don't lie. So that means you can not ask him things unless you are prepared to hear the truthful answer.
But, being honest does not mean you deliberately say hurtful things without being asked. That is being a jerk, cruel, and mean.
So if he wants an honest relationship, he should only be honest when you ask him something.
If he says things that are hurtful WITHOUT being asked, then he is just cruel. Maybe he doesn't want to be in this relationship any more, but is afraid to break up, and does this to you so that you will break up with him instead.
If I was brutally honest about every thought that is in my head, I would have no friends and never have a relationship, and I would probably be without a job also. So there is NO point in being "brutally honest" in any situation. There is no goal in that. It's meaningless and serves no purpose, only that it hurts everyone around you and it will come back and bite you in the ass.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 December 2017):
Being in an honest relationship means you don't lie. So that means you can not ask him things unless you are prepared to hear the truthful answer.
But, being honest does not mean you deliberately say hurtful things without being asked. That is being a jerk, cruel, and mean.
So if he wants an honest relationship, he should only be honest when you ask him something.
If he says things that are hurtful WITHOUT being asked, then he is just cruel. Maybe he doesn't want to be in this relationship any more, but is afraid to break up, and does this to you so that you will break up with him instead.
If I was brutally honest about every thought that is in my head, I would have no friends and never have a relationship, and I would probably be without a job also. So there is NO point in being "brutally honest" in any situation. There is no goal in that. It's meaningless and serves no purpose, only that it hurts everyone around you and it will come back and bite you in the ass.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 Not enough information to go on here.
What is he being 'honest' about?
Your appearance/weight/sexual performance?
His sexual past or preferences you're not comfortable with?
These are the usual points of contention, but maybe your issue is different.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 I agree that more info is needed here.
If this is a recent thing there must be a reason behind why he's doing it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2017):
 You say he has STARTED to be brutally honest, so this is a new thing? Do you know what brought it on?
And what exactly is he "brutally honest" about?
Is he just being critical and calling it "honest"? Is it only YOU he is being "honest" with or is it himself too?
It's a little hard to give any advice when you don't describe WHAT he was so honest about.
Obviously, if he enjoys making you feel like shit and make you cry then do you really think he will stop anytime soon?
I'm ALL for honesty - especially in a relationship but there is being honest and open and then there is being CRUEL and hurtful to get the upper hand.
Could you elaborate?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2017): Honest about what? I'm all for being honest in a relationship but there's being honest and then there's being mean. Honesty doesn't mean you get to be a dick, do if he's being rude and or deliberately hurtful, then leave.
You wouldn't treat anyone else like that so why would you treat the one you love like it.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 Honesty is one thing but to be somewhat positive there is also tact. Can you give some examples?
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