A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is sexually attracted to another girl they used to be like best friends she was my best friend but after she asked him to lie to me he stopped talking to her it’s been more than a year since he doesn’t talk with her but he is still attracted to her he says he is willing to do anything for our relationship to work but he still thinks ab her and sometimes he talks ab her he says he would never do anything with her but i don’t know what to believe should i break up with him? Or is it normal for a guy to be sexually attracted to to other girls while in a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2018): He can't fix your insecurity. That's your job. You are too busy worrying about something in somebody's mind; not their actions. HIS MIND!!! If she exists, hello...she may come-up in conversation at some point.
Insecurity and jealousy are very potent relationship-killers! It grows until it turns toxic. Then the poison slowly kills the love. It sucks the life out of person!
Too many women are growing-up with unrealistic notions about men and our feelings. No sweetheart, you are not the only woman he will ever be attracted to; no more than he will ever be the one and only man in the whole-wide world whom you will ever be attracted to.
If you should breakup, you'll find another guy. Before you met him, there may have been other guys you had feelings for; and were attracted to. How does he know if you still think of them or long for them? You don't have to talk about them.
If you've lived this long and have only been 100% attracted to him, wow...that should be recorded in psychological journals, or a subject for research!
There is only one man in this world who has the key to your sexual-attraction? Bull! It's pettiness and childishness!
You're being unreasonable and self-centered.
Let your foolishness kill your relationship. He won't even talk to her for you. He told you what he wanted; but we men can take only so much foolishness. Everyone has a breaking-point.
Relationships require trust and maturity. They don't survive without these elements. In time, you'll see.
It may not be your choice to leave him; he'll just grow tired of trying to prove himself, and go find someone better for him. That will be due to your own self-fulfilling prophecy. You figure he wants somebody else, you don't feel you're good enough; so you'll drive him away!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2018): Hmmm. Why don't you let him know what it feels like? Start talking about another guy you find attractive and see how he likes it? I assure you, he will pout like a little child. He sounds like a jerk. I'd tell him so. And then I'd leave him to pursue his attraction. He won't find better than you and he will be sorry.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2018):
 Okay so he stopped talking to her for you, which was his choice and clearly what he wanted.
But as you said this was over a year ago and he mentions to you he is attracted to her? Why would your boyfriend want you to know that? Is he purposely trying to make you jealous and insecure? It is not something he should be saying to you in all fairness. Him telling you he thinks about her is not fair and it is almost like he is doing it to hurt you and to get a reaction from you.
It can be normal to develop an attraction while in a relationship we are only human after all, but most would choose to ignore it and not tell their partners. Honestly it is unfair off him to behave like this, he sounds immature and extremely hurtful towards you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2018):
 I think we all have a chance of feeling sexual attractions towards other than our partners, doesn't mean the person will pursue it.
What I do find weird is that he mentioned this to you. That he mentions he still thinks about her and he still talks about her... why would he do that unless he likes for YOU to feel insecure? I don't get how you two can make it work if there is no trust? And how can you trust him when he is seemingly still "hooked" on her?
What kind of guy makes sure his CURRENT GF knows he has the hots for another woman? And more over the BEST friend of said GF?
Your best friend? His ex-best friend? Sounds a little too close to comfort for most.
How can you two build a healthy relationship when he makes you worry about another woman? One who knows the both of you?
ANY decent guy (or woman) MIGHT be sexually attracted to someone else, but they KEEP that to themselves and they IGNORE it.
Whether you should break up with him or not is up to you. I just don't see how you can build something healthy with this kind of mistrust and drama over supposedly "nothing".
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