A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:I feel like sometimes when my bf and I go out, he looks at girls. But not just at any girl, but asian girls. I am the first hispanic women he has ever gone out with you. He has always dated white and asian women. And his last girlfriend was asian. I have commented about it before, but he said he would never look at another girl and got really upset. So I haven't said anything since, but I swear that everytime their is an asian girl, he'll look at her over and over. I don't know what to do. :( He says I'm the most beautiful girl he's been with, but when he does it, it makes me seem as if im not good enough. Because at least if it were a girl thats hispanic like me, i'd understand. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 Hi,
what you must first understand is that most men, will look at women in general and even if they do, this doesn't mean that they're not sincere, nor committed.
This is the normal biology of most males, especially when they are young and by young, i refer to a male in his 20s.
You are in your 20s, so i suspect that your bf is in his mid to late 20s.
I seriously wouldn't worry about it, because the simple fact is, that if he wanted to be with an Asian woman, he would be and believe me, if he didn't want to be with you for whatever reason, there's not much you could do about it, so try not to worry.
If you show constant signs of insecurity and jealousy, which to me, is what you're displaying, then eventually he may get sick of this and actually leave.
If you want him to stick around and truly appreciate you and what you guys have together, then be the confident, carefree woman that drew him to you in the first place.
Unless your bf gives you physical/actual reason not to trust him, then you've got nothing concrete to go by and nothing to worry about.
This comment, isn't in reference to him simply having a glance or a look at Asian women.
I don't mean to take away from the importance of how you feel, but really, in the grand scheme of things, you really have nothing serious to worry about, so please try and shift your mental energy elsewhere.
Here's an example, many men look at and admire many different women, from all racial groups and women do the exact same thing.
Just because partners look, doesn't mean it's the end of their relationship, or even a serious risk to their relationship.
If he admitted to having an affair behind your back, or if you caught him in the act, then it'd be over, but you haven't and i doubt very much, that he'd do that to you.
You have an insecurity and i'm unsure as to where it stems from, but i suspect you may have been hurt prior and now that your current partner looks at other women,(Asian women specifically), this insecurity is quickly triggered.
If i am right, then please remember that not all men are the same.
Why don't you empower yourself, by being the one who says, oh isn't she pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, whatever you want and say it, in the presence of your bf.
I can almost guarantee that you'll feel more empowered, even though deep down, you may never like your bf looking at Asian women.
Realise too, that people are just people, women are just women and we come in all different shapes, sizes, colours, features and rather than feeling jealous and feeling a need to seek your partners full attention, remember that he is simply appreciating humanity in all it's glory.
This doesn't make him sleazy, tacky, desperate, not at all.
You could call it, "harmless appreciation and admiration".
You would be lying to yourself and to me, if you said that you'd never noticed any man in your entire life, even whilst in a relationship.
Is it ok for you to notice an attractive male, even a male of your racial preference and not ok for your partner to do the same?
I am not implying here, that your partner prefers Asian women, however, i am refering to "you" and the type of man that has always taken your fancy, even before you met your current partner.
Your partner obviously loves who you are, otherwise he'd be with somebody else.
It's just harmless stuff and i will admit to you, that i have noticed many attractive men and they've noticed me, but this doesn't mean that i am going to run off with them, or them with me.
I am now married and i am 100% committed to my husband and to our marriage, but when i was younger, sure i did.
Trust in your man and in your relationship, because the biggest killer of love, is simple lack of trust and if this is ongoing, then you're in bigger trouble.
Sorry if i sound harsh, but i speak the truth and i speak from years of experience.
Be strong and don't worry about the Asian girls, because after all, your partner chose "YOU", over any other woman.
Please remember that and what if he continues to do this eternally? Will you always be worried, unhappy, jealous?
You need to think about this and think about your relationship and what you want out of it in the long term and what you can both do together to make it work better.
All the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
A
male
reader, lawncare  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 Hey Midsummer. People will look at people, regardless of race. I'm entirely ignoring the racial construct of your post because we're all the same, race is fake.
Your insecurity is threatening your relationship and that is entirely preventable. Does he love you? Does he treat you right? Do you feel good about him? Is he faithful? These are the important questions. If so then be thankful and reward that and your relationship will grow.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 I think you are being over sensitive. At the end of the day if he wanted to be with an asian girl well then he would. But he wants to be with you, you need to believe him when he calls you beautiful. He choose to be with you out off everyone. Take that as a compliment.
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