A
female
age
30-35,
*reamingdead13
writes:My boyfriend is always very busy as he runs his own business. While we have had our problems due to him practically ignoring me and backing away from promises we have worked them out. As we always try to communicate our feelings and concerns. The main problem is that I just feel tired. I make my school schedule and social schedule to fit his schedule so we can see each other at least every 2 weeks. While I see little effort from his part. Whenever we plan anything or go out there is always a change of plan due to work or family problems. He told me many times he feels extremely sorry and tries to make up for it but I am tired of saying "it’s ok I understand." I know he loves as he has told me many times and we have talked about marriage after my graduation. I love him but I just feel tired of always being 2nd place. His work and family are always first and I often feel forgotten.I really need advise as to what to do? A big part of me feels tired and wants to break it off, but I love him and I don’t want to leave him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 March 2011):
 If you are feeling tired then it may be that you are feeling so unsupported by your guy and so isolated by his frequent long absences, and while his priorities leave you feeling like you come last, that you are suffering depression.
Feeling this way would be understandable, in the circumstances.
Please check with your doctor. Because depression is a seriously debilitating condition, that can creep up on anyone. Twenty Five per cent of all people, will, at some stage in their life, feel depressed. Smart people will check with their Doctor. A doctor will know what to do, the signs to look for, and the best treatment.
If you are feeling 'down' don't try to soldier on alone. Because you need support, not isolation from others, if you do feel miserable.
Your studies are also another stress inducer. Occasionally take out some me time. You cannot study 24/7. As a student I know that finance is tight. But occasionally take yourself off to something inexpensive, but relaxing, for you. In other words be nice to you - be it a bunch of flowers, a new nice smelling hand cream. Something nice, pleasant and good, just for you.
Or an early morning walk with a friend.
Or visit someone you trust and can talk things over with, discreetly.
But....
I am a bit concerned that he may be putting his family before you, IF he is really serious about marrying you.
I understand that running a business is hard.
And he possibly thinks he is establishing a good income for the future, so that you and he can have an assured future together. But he needs to explain that to you.
Or is he in a family business? So that he does not have complete control, and so that he is beset with multi demands from multi family members? He needs to put his foot down and make you a higher priority.
But is he his own boss, where he calls all the shots? Then, without hurting the business he needs to delegate some tasks so that he can find more time than that.
If he is not prepared to find more time for you, then he does not deserve you.
And explain more things more often to you.
Running a business is one of the hardest things to juggle. And the early days in a business are really demanding. It's and extraordinary roller coaster one minute, and too slow and a worrying situation other times. But putting the really hard work at the start can build solid stability.
If a girl asked me:
(1) do i go with the guy building a business (but not much time
over for fun),
OR
(2) do i go with this other safe guy who earns a set amount no matter what he does at work
Then the answer is i would prefer the energy, drive and passion of the man wanting to build up a good reputation and a loyal customer base in his own business. It is not always safe. But the end result can be awesome.
Of course your boy friend is often way too busy.
See your Doctor first. That is the first priority. Once treated, then Schedule some serious talk time with your guy. Ask for the support you need. Watch his reaction. Listen carefully to his responses. You will be able to guage his commitment from his answers.
If he cannot give you the support you need then maybe a trial separation, sad as it is, may give you both some important reflection time.
Give it time, and all may work out OK in the end.
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