A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is perfect. Almost too perfect. He is concerned for me, wants to do things for me, wants to buy things for me. He gives so much of himself to me, in every way. He seems to be everything I've ever wanted.I have many personal issues (psych, family, and a previous nightmare relationship). We've had very similar life experiences and talk about them often. It is refreshing to find someone who understands so much However, there is a nagging gut feeling that something is off. It's still very early in this relationship only 2 months). With all the issues I'm working through, sometimes I second-guess my investment in or desire for our relationship. He is often feels hurt by this. But we talk it out and work through it positively. But the main reason I ever doubt it is when he mirrors back my responses days after I've made these "breakthroughs" for myself. He seems to understand my concerns and my reasoning, but it almost feels as though he is purposefully reflecting my ideas. We are a little physically involved. We have not had sex yet and decided to wait as long as necessary for me to heal more. We both understand the depth of that act and how devestating it can be if we broke up afterwards. I don't feel pressured in that way at all. I have an assurance of his fidelity that I've never had before. I don't obsess or worry that he might cheat. I don't get that feeling at all, and I have in the past and been right about my suspicions. I believe he really does love me. His actions line up with his words. So why this gut-feeling on my end? Could it be mistrust after a bad previous relationship? And I am a giver myself, so why would I think he couldn't just be the same way?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 April 2012):
 You're putting way WAY too much pressure on him, to be honest. You're letting baggage and overanalyzing and trust issues and self-esteem issues start to choke out the relationship, and it puts an undue pressure on him to not only try to read your mind (which to his credit, he's trying to do), but to be your everything. Boyfriend, therapist, soulmate, father, savior, listener, counselor, and security blanket.
The relationship will break once he breaks under the weight of your issues and your pressure. What do you bring to him? How are you making his life better? What are you doing to improve YOURSELF to make yourself the best person, companion, lover, friend, and partner?? You're so focused on what he can do for you, and your past baggage that you're missing that you're part of this relationship.
Lighten up on him. Enjoy his company for the simple beauty it is. Don't be high maintenance, don't talk about mental breakthroughs, don't dump on him emotionally, or over analyze and hyper-react to every nuance and inflection, and for GOD'S SAKE, don't think that just because it's so good that something must be wrong after only 2 months.
Relationships are a RISK. You can't insulate yourself from pain, or you will be a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Finally STOP WITH THE whole "I'm hurt" and questioning your desire in front of him. If you're worried that you're not over your last relationship, keep it to yourself. You're pushing him away, and the pressure you're putting on him is, quite frankly, obscene. The fact that he's actually hanging in there with you shows that he has really high caliber. Now stop this pressure and show him some joy! He's not your therapist. He's not your last boyfriend. Let up on him or break it off because you want your ex to win over you and wreck your ability to feel for anyone else again.
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