A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has addiction to cocaine...he's been doing this for the past 5 years. I've only been with him for bout five months. I've known him for longer though. I love him and I know he feels the same way bout me, but this has gotten inbetween us so many times. He spends alot of money on that and there is times where he doesnt show up for work just so he could do that all day. I guess my question is what should I do or what can I do??? Im so confused. Please help....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Hi there,
I think you need to accept that this man loves cocaine more than he loves you. Like any addict, it means big problems for a relationship and with only 5 months in to this one... are you sure this is what you want?
Your boyfriend will never be reliable, never have spare money, will never be a good father, nor will he ever be an honest or caring boyfriend or husband to you, you will always be second to his drug habit and second to any of his friends that take it with him. That might sound like I am generalising about people who use cocaine but I have known enough cocaine users and addicts in my time. Users are bad enough - addicts are infinitely worse and they all either end up dead, in prison or so messed up they'll never be "normal" in any sense of the word.
So do you really love him enough to put up with all that grief? Even if he doesn't love you enough to give it up in return? - if so - what does that really say about you?
Listen to close friends or family if you are unsure what to do, maybe they can help you come to a decision about what to do. All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Well, I dont know as far as boyfriends being addicts, but take it from the daughter of one- he needs to quit. Hun, I am sorry to have to tell you, but you say that it gets in the way now.... trust me, this is only the begining. Addictions like that will never get better. Over time he wont just grow out of it. Lay down the line that you are not gonna take it from him... because I can guarentee you that in time he will start asking for some money here and there, then a place to stay, and eventually will just live off of you and whoever else he can. I am not telling you to break up with him, just t not become an enabler. If you stay togeather and he does not quit I know that there will be times when he will ask you to give him money, make excuses for him and pick up after him. I know you love him and you might think that you are helping him by doing all of that for him, but in reality you are only feeding his addiction and putting him deeper into the grave. I urge you to tell him to quit. And if he does not... do not help him to get high. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. And in all honesty, over time the drug becomes the most important thing in his life... more important than even you. He is an addict and will need help to quit. I just tellyou now... dont become the enabler... whatever you do.
There are support groups... its called Narcotics Anonomus (sp?) for drug addicts if they want to recover. There is also Nar Anon- a support group for the friends and family of drug addicts. Look for help there, because they are really a good tool for strength. But I wont lie to you... if you do stay with him you will have a rough road until he quits.
Best of luck and wishes.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 He needs to stop this addiction fast. One of my close friends was addicted for many years until he was found dead in his bed one morning.
This addiction can escalate, where you are taking more and more of the stuff until you are taking dangerous amounts and your heart cant take that.
He needs to recognise that this needs to stop now before he jepodises his life and other peoples around him. His health and mental/physical attributes will alter and deteriate fast with cocaine. Its a very addictive drug.
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