A
male
age
30-35,
*9zombie
writes:I'm a gay male dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I have introduced him as my BF, Other half, Husband. When it comes to his coworkers he introduces me as his roommate. This has been going on since we meet. He doesn't want me to touch him at work or say anything wrong. but once we are alone or at my work he's all I love you it's nothing. Is it me or is something wrong? When he plays Xbox 360 live and I come in and talk he mutes the mic because he told everyone I'm his roommate online also. I know they are far away but why not tell them on that's my bf? The last thing is he plays Xbox a lot I down loaded this app to see how much he plays and in about 2 weeks it was 65 hours. I don't know if it's normal to do all this. I get him thing buy him gifts out of the blue and he yells and says you didn't need to get that. I was wondering if it's me or am I just someone he is ashamed of and just don't care about?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2014):
 He may be very private regarding his sexuality due to a repressive upbringing and/or a traumatic experience in his past or fear of one.
And I'll say this, you get to learn on an XBOX or PS4 online community that the dregs of civilization come on over a mic, with the homophobic slurs flying left and right even if you're NOT gay. Honestly, as accepting as we are becoming in real life, the gaming community may as well be in the politically correct stone ages. Same with women too...I can't tell you how many times I've gone on there on some game like Call of Duty and been told to "Make me a sandwich, bitch!" in response to me beating them.
Don't buy him any more gifts. He has a bit of a gaming addiction. When do you find time to go out??
If your relationship has changed, you might want to ask him directly why he refers to you as "roommate" to his co-workers, because the 80's have called and want that euphemism back!
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (13 September 2014):
 I have to ask... is he out to everyone in his life, or only to close friends and family?
If his co-workers don't know he's gay, then it's definitely not you... it's him being nervous to make such a huge and personal revelation to a group of people whom he may or may not like much and who may have the power to make or break his professional career. Unfortunately, while our nation is becoming more and more supportive and accepting of the LGBTQ community, there are still close-minded people out there who will judge others and treat them poorly based on sexual orientation. Your boyfriend may work with - or for - some of them. Heck, if he were in the US military, he wouldn't even have been ABLE to be honest about this until very recently without getting kicked out.
Online is tough too because you never really know who is on the other side of the computer. Again, if he's only out to people he knows well I can see why he wouldn't be telling strangers on the Internet about his sexual orientation.
That said, if he's out to his workplace and his friends but still calling you his roommate, then it's time to sit him down and have a talk about why this is and where he sees the relationship progressing.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 I wonder if he cares as much for you as you do for him.
Maybe the relationship has run its course, if he wants you to be his room mate start treating him as one.
No more gifts, no more doing things for him, and no more sex ... when he enquires why ask him why he expects a mere room mate to give him sex .... that might (hopefully) be enough to jolt him out of his x box stupor. If it isn't then it might be time to seek a new place to live and a new boyfriend.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): You know what your a very sweet person and his not.
Theres something fishy about your bf and u can feel it, dont u?
If i were u just for once when u introduce him to your friends tell them: guys i want you to meet my p.a or maybe your new nanny or a gardener you just hired. Joking. Try to introduce him too as your roomate or a plain friend
Try not to laugh n lets see how he would react.
If he gets hurt then tell him how it also hurts u everytime he do the same.
Sometimes you have to put them in your place for them to understand your feelings.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 He may not have grown up having supportive family and friends about his sexual orientation. He is ashamed and anyone who is ashamed of his own identity can't take care of the other. He can hide from family and friends but his attitude sticks with him all the time. I am not a family oriented person myself. I couldn't care less what other people think because I like privacy but I would have a problem with him not loving himself as a gay man. He averages to 5 hours a day playing xbox so I wonder how you squeeze in this relationship.
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