A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my bf now for 4 and a half months, it started really well ( the honeymoon period) but now he's started to over react to situations, and I would almost go as far as calling it paranoid about me leaving him. I no he's had bad past relationships and that is whats causing some of this but it is really getting to me now. And we are spending large time spans not speaking. Im afraid to say how I truly feel because of hurting him, I love him and don't want to lose him bit not sure how much morei can take. Any advise???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): He needs to learn that he cant treat people this way and until he does, he will be very difficult to date. Being afraid to speak about whats on your mind and spending long periods not even talking is not good and it has only been a few months! As his feelings for you increase, so will his paranoia. He isnt really ready to date yet because he still has too many issues from his past and he should be working on these instead of dumping all his angst on you. I would let him down gently by explaining that and maybe tell him to get back to you when he has recovered from his past disappointments. They were not of your making and you should not suffer for them. If he is not sensible enough to realise that, then he is pretty much undateable at the moment.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): From personal experience, I think its best to get out as soon as someone shows signs of insecurity and paranoia, things only get worse as the relationship goes on.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Your boyfriend cannot compare past relationship history to what he has now with you. AND you cannot coddle him by tiptoeing around his insecurities.
Sit him down and tell him what is exactly wrong with this relationship..he may not like what you have to say, but it needs to be said. If he cannot let go of his past relationships, you are by no means those previous girls, then he DOESN'T need to be in this relationship.
All of this is not fair to you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 You need to tell him exactly what you have just told us. It is as simple as that. And this is a great opportunity for him to learn to trust again. Best wishes for the New Year xx
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (30 December 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) If he is getting more and more paranoid, then I think you know what you need to do. It's an early sign of a relationship going downwards and I think it'd be best to let him go and find someone much more understandable... People who act that way are very self-conscious and need someone they know they can use for a pawn, maybe that's not the case with him, you can try talking with him about the whole matter. If nothing changes then you should end it in a nice way. Tell him that whole break thing. Good luck, if you need anything else just let me know honey. :)
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