| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,My boyfriend of two years has an addiction to porn. He gets off on it about every day, even if we have sex. He has also been known to e-mail other women and chat with them initiating that he wants to hook up. He tries to explain it to me, and says it is like being with another woman, but without cheating. He says men need something "different" every now and then. He tells me he has been doing this since he was 16, and ensures me that it is harmless because he wouldn't actually cheat. I have told him how much it hurts me and feel as though I am being cheated on, but he continues to do it. What can I do to be enough for him and fill the void that he is getting from porn? Will he ever overcome this addiction? How do I know if he is cheating? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ~Empty and Hurt~
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): So he has been like this for many years then? And it's been this way for the two years you have been together?
At this stage, i don't think there's any point in asking him to change. This is obviously a part of his personality now, and it would be near-impossible to change. It's all very well saying that if he loved you he'd give all this up, but it's who he is.
I think you need to decide if this is something you can live with. And if you can't, then you need to call it a day with him.
I'm sure there are lots of women who wouldn't have a problem with his behaviour. I wouldn't be one of them! But you are still with him after 2 years of it; he has no reason to change while you're still there putting up with what you see as a type of infidelity.
Make a decision to do what's best for YOU. That's what he's been doing all along.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Dont you dare put up with this behaviour! Looking at porn occassionaly is one thing - im afraid a lot of men - and women - do it - but to be contacting other women on a personal level is totally out of order! If you have a healthy and fulfilled relationship there is NO reason why he should be acting like this - and to continue to do it after you have told him how you feel is very wrong. You need to lay it on the line with him and define the boundaries as to what you find acceptable. Would he like it if you were contacting men in the same way? If the porn issue is also a problem then you need to tell him this too - a relationship is about two people - and if he is that selfish as to not see it that way then you can do better. In this day and age the internet has opened up a whole new scope to "cheating" and i fully agree with you he is cheating - i would not EVER allow my boyf to flirt online let alone be so suggestive - that is mental and emotional cheating and wrong in a committed relationship! Put yourself first honey - he obviously is xxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): I think this problem has to do with more than just porn. He said men needs something different every now and then? that sounds like he has been cheating, i'm not too sure but u should wait for other peoples opinions too, it just doesn't sound right to me at all. Talking to other women as friends is harmless but not being intimate with them or talking to them like u said "hooking up".
The part about how he says men needs something "different" every now and then seems obvious doesn't it? I mean if u told him how u feel about all of it and he still continues to do it, he doesn't have any respect for you. He's just playing mind games, so don't let him do that. Why would he want to email other women to "feel like he's with another woman" when he has you on his side? It just means he can't be faithful and he's always going to be that way, either you like it or not.
In my opinion he's never going to "have enough" or ever be satisfied with one thing. I think you should get out of this relationship and find a guy that wants to be with you and only you..don't waste any more of your time on this guy. Goodluck
...............................
|
