A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is almost 34 years old and is a "minute man". He's the first guy I've been with that didn't have a little more control over said issue. Are there any men that might have some advice? Is lasting longer a genetic thing, a mental thing? Can it be learned? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): I have found that how long I last is more a mental thing and how often I have recently had sex. Of course, now that I am 63, I don't have to worry about being too fast and both my wife and I like that. How long I used to last was mainly driven by how turned on I was, even more than how long it had been since the last sex. If I was lying in bed in the morning, horny as a bunny and waiting for my girlfriend to get awake, then I would just get more and more excited and would be fast unless I tried to control it. If we hadn’t had sex for 3 or 4 days when we were dating then it was even worse.
The way that I would try to control it was to think of something boring at the start of intercourse. I would still think of her during foreplay and concentrate on her enjoyment. The something boring could be what I had to do at work the next day or making plans to build something around the house. After her orgasm then I would think of exciting things so that I could get turned on and would not last too long for her. That might be fantasizing that I was having sex with some hot actress who turned me on. She never knew what I was doing, but thought that it was funny when I finally told her about it. She wasn’t offended at all and actually appreciated the effort that I was making for her enjoyment. Of course, I wasn’t always a “minute man”, so I don’t know how effective this would be for someone who is all of the time. Just for a point of reference, I would normally take 5 to 10 minutes when I was in my 30s and 40s, but I could get my girlfriend/wife to orgasm in less than 5 minutes. If I was really turned on and I didn’t try to control myself then I might only last 30 seconds to a minute.
Another thing to try is changing positions frequently. It is both fun and it allows time to lower the man’s excitement between positions if he doesn’t rush into the next position. He could also give you a little oral between positions to keep your excitement up and allow him to cool down a bit.
Another thing is condoms. My wife and I never used condoms, except for the first time in bed many years ago when we first started dating. I would last forever with condoms. We both hated those things, but they do lower sensitivity for the man. Some are designed to increase sensitivity, but the standard latex ones lessen it. For me, it was a lot.
Those are the only suggestions that I have. However, the guy has to care enough about his partner’s pleasure to want to try to fix the problem. If he only cares about his orgasm then nothing is going to work. I’m not implying that is the case here, just that my wife’s experience with previous boyfriends indicates that a lot of guys seem to only care about their own pleasure. To be fair, I was more like that with my first wife.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Poor old Dipsy! I think what you need to seriously consider is changing your boyfriend for one who ensures that you get some pleasure out of sex. This bloke of yours is what I would call a selfish 'lover'! If you let him get away with that sort of thing he'll have no reason to change his ways. There are more tools in a man's toolbox other than his dick!
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A
female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle  +, writes (1 August 2008):
My boyfriend is also a minute man, I know people say have a quickie first or a BJ then go for it, but in my experience he gets what he wants why should he have to go again. Either way I loose!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Yes, it is a matter of control but if he has not learned by now...
Make sure you do NOT over-excite him before. Blowjob followed by intercourse is just asking for trouble. Give him time to cooldown and use that time to get you ready.
He can learn to think of something else when the moment is close and to slow down or even stop to allow the moment to pass.
He really just needs to learn to control himself, to not just finish as quick as possible. With in reason, delaying the orgasm makes it better although you might have to accept that men will always be quicker then the woman desires. But then, there are women who also complain when he lasts for an hour and then has to finish by hand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): You could also try grabbing the base of the penis and squeezing it to stop him from coming. Or grab his balls and twist them lightly. We're aim for a little bit of pain, so he thinks twice about coming too fast.
Finally you could try sex with you on top. When he starts to come, you get up, and shout stop and wait a while before you start again.
I wish you every luck in your endevours to retrain this penis who as been allowed to misbehave. Don't get angry or feel sad, just help your man to sort the problem out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): OK... man that comes to fast..... Two solutions to your problem.
1) You allow him to come first very fast. Then he arrouses you with his lips and his body and get arroused and tries to have sex with you again. The next time he'll be slower and you'll have time to have a vaginal orgasm.
2) The start stop method. He's not allowed to come at all. Everytime he gets excited, you shout stop, tap him on the shoulder and push him off. His penis goes down and you start the whole thing again. You can also try masterbating him with your hand, again, when he gets excited, you give the penis a sharp tap, shout stop and it goes down again. Arrouse him, stop, arrouse him, stop. Your trying to retain the penis, and make it learn to wait. He will soon learn that he needs permision before his allowed to come. He dosen't come unless you allow it. Don't get angry, make the thing a lot of fun. If he comes to fast, laugh and say naughty boy. He arrouses you and you just start the whole process again. You can try a sharp rap under the balls, you want to grab his attention and give him a "little" bit of pain, so he's penis wants to please you and make you happy, rather than go off and have enjoyment without you. Try this for a month, it should work. Otherwise he might have a medical problem or some hangups from the past and therefore you need to take him to a doctor to check that everything is alright with his body and his mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): If such a pill ever existed it would be akin to discovering Viagra and the drug companies' shareholders would be laughing all the way to the bank!
All I can suggest is trying again about half an hour later when he'll have got over his initial overexcitement and he'll last longer the second time around. This can be controlled, but it takes a lot of practice, especially if you're what one would term as being 'hot stuff'. The longer you're together the better it should get as he gets used to making love to you.
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A
female
reader, xxhis_girlxx +, writes (31 July 2008):
 hi i know im young but my boyfriends like that and my bestfriend if like that. im sure its probably jus in their mind or how "excited" they r. if not u should go to a doctor and hav him get pills for it. good luck hope it works out.
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