A
female
age
30-35,
*untie.ellie
writes:Why are there so many lies? my boyfriend is a compulsive liar. he makes up stupid little lies about everything like whos house hes at who hes with, if hes working late or not. i mean i would find out the truth and wonder why he even lied in the first place. it wasnt like he did anything bad that i wouldve gotten mad about. and he always gets really defensive when i confront him with the truth. i am talking calmly telling him that u dont need to lie about something like that and hes just yelling right back at me like he did nothing wrong. its gotten really bad lately tho. i found pictures on my computer of girls we know that he saved off facebook. the girls are in their bikinis or skimpy tank tops with their boobs hanging out. theres also a bunch of porn pictures i found. i know he tried to delete them becuz i found them in the trash bin on my desktop. i also noticed the history kept being deleted everytime he used the computer. in tears i asked him why he had pictures of girls that we know in bikinis saved on my computer and he says he doesnt know how they got there. and he denies it to this day. i didnt even care about the porn pictures, i cared about the pictures of the girls that we knew. hes being so rude to me lately and makes me cry everyday. i find out the truth about another stupid lie he came up with just about everyday. its like hes always hiding something. i get upset about him lying to me all the time and he gets defensive and yells at me and calls me a baby. he is totally different person since we first started dating 2 years ago. i love him so much, i have never felt so devoted to one person. he swears up and down that he has never cheated on me, that he loves me and is devoted to me... but why does he always make me feel so down. i dont yell at him or start arguements, i always calmly try to talk but he never wants to listen and says rude comments. he swears that he doesnt lie to me at all and is nice to me and loves me, but i know the truth even when it is so obvious so why cant he tell me. he acts like he has no idea why im upset all the time and when i try to tell him and ask him to make me happier even a little bit, he gets mad and yells. i just want him to hear my feelings becuz if he would listen he would realize that the things hes doing really are breaking my heart. sometimes ill be in bed crying and he'll come in and say "are u crying again? god your such a baby" i just want him to communicate becuz even that would help out with the lying and the rudeness. how do i do that?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): I have the same problem where i try to talk to my boyfriend calmly and like adults but he just starts shouting at me saying i'm pressuring him and he doesn't want to talk anymore, every time I end up in tears. I've just goggled this subject after coming of the phone crying as he just lays into me, i similarly asked him why he needed to lie about a simple thing. the only feeling I have right now is, is this worth it? if their only responce to a serious conversation is to shout out trying to defend themselves when there is nothing to defend i dont think they're mature enough or as involved in the relationship as we are.
we cant force them to communicate and as from now i've given up trying, relationships arent one sided and even though its hard when you love them the best thing is to walk away. I bet anything if you did he would soon realise his mistakes.
Good luck
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 "he swears up and down that he has never cheated on me, that he loves me and is devoted to me" He's a compulsive liar, why should you believe this?
You can't get him to communicate with you, you can't trust him AT ALL. If he says he'll change he won't. You need to leave, or else you'll be incredibly upset.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): So you want to know how do you do that? Easy. Drop that zero and love a hero.
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