A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have 2 children together. When we first met things went really fast we were living together in 3 months and pregnant.When we met I knew that he drank pretty heavily, but during my pregnancy I found out that he was also an addict. Our relationship has been on and off. He has gone to treatment a few times and he does go through times of being sober. There has not been physical abuse but there has been infidelity. Most of the time he was with other woman when we lived apart, not working on relationship. There were still times he was with other woman when we were together. I have trust issues and he feels he can not be honest with me. We have been apart and he wants to work it out says he is going to treatment counseling. I do love him. I don't know if I should try again if so what do we do to gain trust and fix hurt. Can this even be fixed.I feel if I don't work it out he will not have support to get sober, If I do work it out I worry he will repeat cycle. Any advice will help.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 hi
has he actually started his alcohol programme or is it still in the 'planning stage' at the moment. also WHY has he decided after all this time to get help? is it what he really wants to do or is he just going through with it so that you will go back to him? i would say, let him go on the programme and then think about taking him back WHEN he has completed it and learned how to not have alcohol. he is the one that has ruined the relationship (according to your post), so it is not his place to call the shots now. you take him back only WHEN and IF you want to
xx
A
female
reader, sweetlifex +, writes (15 January 2011):
Firstly, i just want to say you have been so strong. Living with a loved one as an addict is a horrible thing to experience.I completely understand that things are easier said than done. I think you should think of your children, this must be very traumatic for them to witness, no matter how young or old they are they are being effected by this too. Also, if he has had treatment and it has worked for a short period of time, he is capable of giving up. A lot of addicts are under the impression that they are the only victim and that their families will be there no matter what and therefore, think they can continue with their behaviour because they will never lose anything. You need to let him go through treatment and stay away from him while he does this. Let him know you care but explain you cant be with him until he proves he can stay sober. After his treatment let him show you that he can stay sober for more than a couple of months and then you can work on your trust issues.Do you really wish to be in a relationship where you dont trust your partner? If he has cheated before whats to say he wont do it again? If he has cheated before then you have every right not to trust him and he must win that trust back. But at the same time if he has done this time after time, he probably thinks 'its okay, i know she will forgive me, i can get away with this again' You are better than this deserve to be treated with respect.
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