A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of over two Years just admitted something to me that shocked me. He said it felt like coming out in a way and he's confused. Sex is important to him. He basically said that he finds nearly every woman he sees sexually attractive. He doesn't have a type. I've always thought it strange as he rarely even looks at women when he's around me. But to him there is absolutely no emotion connected with sex (which I'd known anyway). He hasn't ever cheated on his girlfriend's but he says he walks around daily fighting this. Hes only given it his thought very recently after I expressed my worry that I didnt think he would be capable of long term monogamy (I can sense things sometimes in a way I can't describe). We have talked about opening the relationship - I don't yet know which way or how yet.... So he is willing to see a sex therapist to discuss it and our concerns. I'm really in shock because I always believed he was a bit nerdy and shy of women and he is saying he feels like a deviant but is convinced that there are many others like him now. While appreciating that he is being honest, open and confusing in me, How on earth do I process this information without freaking out that my boyfriend literally wants to shag everything he sees?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 February 2015):
 You're being groomed, and this guy is a sex addict. It has just now started to interfere with your relationship.
Here's the thing -- this guy wants to not have to control himself, yet he wants both you and his addiction, so he's softening you up so that your desperation will have you saying yes to him.
Don't do it. That has a lot of risk to it. My opinion about open relationships, and it's just my opinion, is that they shouldn't be for sex addiction people. He will want more and more even if you give him leeway to do things. An addiction always wants more because it is never satisfied.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Thanks Brown Wolf. Well, the type that my boyfriend is... Well he's a "doer" - he doesn't generally conform to what society says he should.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 February 2015):
LOL...Typical man. However...wanting too, and actually doing it are two different things. Men will fantasize a lot and never do anything, but if his fantasies starts becoming things he wants to try...like a threesome...watch out.
Fantasies are good as long as it's for both of you....not involving other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Thanks male anon. Ok here. He's been pretty upfront from the beginning about wanting to try a 3some. We had a small break a while back and he actually met a polyamouros woman and was fascinated by her lifestyle. He wants me to be happy but he won't sacrifice his own happiness either. So yes, there is a possibility that we may have to break up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Op here. Not too sure the title is totally fitting. He is quite capable of not trying to have sex with every woman. Like I said he's been in four long term relationships and not cheated. It's just that he fancies them all. And is confused about whether monogamy is for him. I don't hold much emotion with sex either, for me that comes with affection and all of that stuff.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Haha, sorry I can't help but laugh. He's got you exactly where he wants you - to open the relationship so he can go off and shag other woman and he's managed to manipulate you into thinking this is okay in a relationship.Sure I guess you could too but I'm guessing you'd prefer monogamy. I really would not put any more time in this guy, he's good at his craft and just because he's 'honest' doesn't make him a good boyfriend or even person.
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