A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I'm going through this awful time with a guy! So I've known him over a year and during that time we had a break then got talking again. Things have been so nice.. He took me out and got me ice cream, chocolate and comes all the way to see me(takes half an hour) he seemed so happy, he said I can't wait to spend more time with you etc. Then last week one night we met up and got a bit intimate(kissing) and he seemed like he really enjoyed it but with it being my first time.. I was a bit uncomfortable so I kept backing away lol he's even spoke about marriage with me and telling his parents soon. He hugged me tight and said he wouldn't ignore me after and layed his head on my lap. I discussed the L word with him and he said he thinks he does but he doesn't really know what love is(never had a gf) ok so after that night I didn't hear from him :( I texted him but still nothing then he texted me saying he's been ill and he's sorry. He didnt exactly ignore me but he's been saying he's ill and stuff but still makes effort to ask if I'm ok and where I am. We were supposed to meet on Friday but he never texted me back(I even bought him something) I've texted about 29 times and called him over 3 times but nothing :( I'm soo upset and it's been 4 days now. What should I do? ThxHe calls me cheeky, funny, cute, gorgeous and beautiful I thought he liked me
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): I read your post and I'm also taking your age into account.
Young people like you and your boyfriend don't quite know what love is; but you have some idea. It takes time for feelings to grow and be established. The younger you are, the harder that is to do. Your mind and body are still developing and your hormones will confuse you. One minute you feel totally in-love, and the next minute you find yourself wondering why you said so? When in actuality, you really aren't sure you are.
He may truly be ill, but that's no excuse to cut-off all contact. My suspicion is that he is questioning himself whether he really feels what he says he does. He's also wondering if he didn't just go a little overboard with some of the things you talked about.
I want you to consider one more thing. When you backed-off, it may have pissed him off a little bit. I think he was leading up to sex. You're really too young to be talking about marriage and kids. You haven't dated enough guys to know what type is best for you, and you're not experienced enough for motherhood. I think he's really ready for sex, and thought all his behavior that night would get you in the mood.
Have you achieved a college degree, have you chosen a career, do you have work-experience, have you traveled beyond the boundaries of where you grew-up to see the world around you? Have you set and achieved your personal goals? People your age should consider all these things before you start proclaiming how much in-love you are, and thinking about marriage and children. Nowadays it takes two incomes to support children and maintain a home.
The type of conversation you had with him is usually the one that comes just before a young woman becomes pregnant.
If you are sexually-active, use condoms each and every-time.
How do you talk about marriage and kids when you don't know for sure what love is? You have to be sure when you go there.
Before you let him make you feel you've done something wrong by backing away, consider whether you're ready and whether he is really the guy for you. Shutting you out without any explanation is immature and unfair. Especially when you had a reason to breakup before. Communication is important. If he is too sick to talk, he can text.
I think he's pouting because he didn't get sex. Giving you the silent treatment is manipulative and a passive-aggressive way to make you suffer. Don't accuse him of anything. Wait until you get an explanation.
Do let him know that you didn't appreciate being ignored. That was disrespectful to your feelings and made you worry.
Whether he was sick or not; if he wasn't in the hospital, he wasn't so sick he couldn't talk to you for four whole days!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): As he never responded to your texts he is either dead in an alleyway or he has got cold feet and backed out. Maybe he is scared of all the things he said. Perhaps you should put this down as an experience and be thankful that you had a pleasant moment together, but in any event it sounds like you will have to move on emotionally because currently you have no choice.
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