A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I feel really insecure in my relationship with my bf. I dont know if its me that is the problem or him? I have never felt secure in a relationship (besides for the beguining, that feeling of secuirty soon fades away) so it makes me think maybe im the problem.Me and my bf have been in a relationship for just over a month. I feel insecure about so many things with him...He has posters on his bedroom wall wearing basically nothing, this upsets me as I think it is very disrespectful and demeaning. I dont understand why he has them cuz if a girl walks down the street in basically nothing he says he thinks its skanky and slutty and so on....so if hes all against them, why is it any different having posters of them up??My bf keeps asking for sex and I keep saying no cuz im not ready. Ive told him no and he tries to convince me to say yes. I feel like he doesnt respect what im saying. Why cant he accept it when i say no? I feel like maybe hes only with me for sex although he said he would never be with a girl just for sex. My bf just keeps saying 'dont worry babe, im not like your ex bf, you can trust me, i wont hurt you like he did' . Its like he doesnt understand that i cant just trust him like that, i need time, time for the trust to be earnt and for him to prove himself to me. He asks why i dont trust him and itell him its cuz we have only been going out for like just over a month and he just goes 'so'? He doesnt get it.Im a rather shy person and not very confident, my bf knows that and he said to me the other week "I can help you change so you become confident and so you're not so quiet anymore". This upsets me because its like he thinks theres something so wrong with me that he has to change me. I dont try to change him so why does he have to try and change me? I feel like he doesnt accept that im just a quiet person. I dont drink alcohol but my bf does. I feel kinda under pressure to drink from him. The other night we were at my friends birthday celebration and everyone was trying to get me to drink. One girl in particular kept pressuring me the whole night and wouldnt give up and she even bought me a heap of drinks (which i never drank). My bf didnt help stand up for me, the only thing he did was say 'ohh ull have to drink them now, shes bought u drinks, u cant say no'. He doesnt really understand my reasons for choosing an alcohol free life. I feel so overwhelemed wiht all these thigns, i feel lost and confused and dont know what to do.I really like him but im sick of feeling insecure in this relaitonsihp so often.Advice? thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): sweetheart, please find yourself a better boyfriend, you deserve it! You sound like a really good girl and this guy sounds like the classic 'bad boy' he is not respencting you and he is trying to manipulate you, in time he will wear you down and then loose interest and hurt you
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 This relationship is incompatible as there are so many areas where you don't see eye to eye.
It could be opposite attracts but he is leading you away from all your principles.
There will be alot of wear and tear in your relationship.
Alot of work will need to be done and will you think it is worth it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): It seems to me like he's just not your type of guy.. I'm sorry, but you two have such different values.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (16 March 2008):
Honey it sounds as though you have some really strong core values and beliefs. This is good. Choosing not to drink even though all your peers are is good. It shows that you have self respect and do not want to do what everyone else does. Having posters on the wall and then commenting on scantily clad girls walking past as sluts or skanks actually show where his mindset is at. Basically he objectifies women and labels them rather than seeing their true beauty and worth. I don't see anything wrong with pictures of naked women it is just the perception of how it is interpreted by the viewer that is the problem. Lots of guys and girls have pictures of naked men and women and still maintain healthy stable relationships. It is the select few that degrade women through their own perceptions like your boyfriend which is the problem. The world health organisation has put out a list of BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. One of these rights is to decide whether or not to have sex. Does he respect this basic human right or does he pressure you? If he makes you feel insecure for being shy or just basically being you then do you want to spend time with him? He will only erode your self esteem down to zip. You can be a non drinking, shy girl who has values. What is wrong with that? Is he into drugs ie marijuana or speed? Do me a favour and google cairns regional dv service and look at power and control wheel and see if there is relationship warning signs in their resources. Will open your eyes up. Take care mate and don't change for anybody. You are special and beautiful just the way you are. If he does not like it then honey there's way more better fish in the sea then the ones that john west rejected!
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