A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We've been together for 3 months and a half. We met online and I found some time ago the profiles he had before we met, and asked him to please take them off, since anyway he was not logging in them (I saw his last log ins and he had stopped) and he did for a while, but it all started again in our 3 mo. anniversary, and just 2 days ago, I found out he had put up NEW profiles, and was writing to other women, and claiming that he was single and looking for a serious relationship.... He denies that he was there to date, he says he was there to make "friends", but to be honest, I didn't believe that and told him so, since then he's been crying and swearing to me that he'll never do that again, that he's changed, and that he knows he did something stupid, that I'm the one he loves... Well, you may guess all the stuff that men say when they're trying to keep you there... And well, I agreed to give him a chance... But, I. JUST. CAN'T. FORGET. , I still feel hurt and don't trust him at all, I think my feelings are getting in the way, and I don't know what else to do, whether to believe him and stay at my own risk, or just leave and try to move on, which I know will be difficult, because, apart from this, he was always great to me, really affectionate and considerate and overall a good boyfriend, I think my decision would've been easier if he was mean in other ways too, but what makes it hard is the fact that outside this whole online thing, he's great to me. I'm torn apart. I think what troubles me also is the fact that he looks very depressed, it makes me angry that he feels so sad about this, when HE caused it! The worse is that commonly I'm a nice person and don't like to make people feel bad, but right now I just want him to suffer the same I've been!
View related questions:
anniversary, depressed, met online, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Awz +, writes (13 February 2011):
There is a breed of men out there who love to have a woman to keep but also can't go without the thrill of new experiences. They will NEVER change. Trust me. I have been with a similar fellow for 7 years, we have a child together. Like clockwork, every 3 months he has a secret lying around for me to find - an online profile or six, text messages he forgot to delete, etc. If you can't bear the pain then leave while the relationship is young. These men live by the creed 'lie 'til you die'
Behind every good man is a good woman, behind every bad man there is a good woman keeping him from hurting other women! That's why we stay I guess.
A
female
reader, Maineac +, writes (28 December 2010):
I came to this site because my boyfriend had a match.com app I saw on his phone when he added a crossword app for me. Later we had the exclusivity talk. I was reading an article online about how to make your relationships work and saw an ad to look at match.com profiles for free. I was curious about his profile and wanted to see if I mached what he said he was looking for. His profile said he'd been active within the last 3 weeks. I haven't had a chance to talk to him as we are both away, him out of range in Tahiti. He's insecure and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I don't feel like it has to do with what he thinks I'm lacking. But I also believe the saying that you can't love someone until you love yourself. I love myself and I don't want to settle for a relationship where I do my own thing and don't put in any effort anymore. I'd rather be single. I don't know if he's been responding to others or what not but if he is I'm walking away, as hard as it will be. I know I deserve better and hopefully you do too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): In my experience, I have found men like this to be dangerous. They tell you you mean the world to them and play on your emotions when actually they are very insecure. I doubt you will ever change him. Imagine being married and settled and he starts playing again...he most probably will. You have an instinct. Get angry and let go! Its basically and addiction he has an it is you who will be hurt, not him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): I know what you mean...I still feel hurt... And the worse is that he's EXTREMELY depressed right now, has become very clingy, and just yesterday, I was talking normally with him (trying not to rub things in his face no more) and he burst into tears, I didn't know what to do, because, in my own pain, I'm supposed to have "empathy" for him... I'm still with him because everyone deserves a second chance, but to be honest, I have one foot on the door and I'm not giving him my all anymore... This event TOTALLY changed everything between us, and I think he is actually sorry, and he cries all the time because he knows this, I just wish he didn't do this to us in the 1st place, and I know he wishes that too, but now it's too late to turn back time...I will still keep an eye on him and have my heart distance until enough time has passed... Maybe he'll change, maybe he won't, I'm just gonna put my bet on the table and just hope to win. I want you all to know that yes, I stay at my own risk and that I'm not dumb, he didn't do this for months, I caught him within the 1st 10 days of this going on, so maybe we'll have a chance... But again, it's just a maybe...More feedback and advice is still appreciated :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): that happen to me, my boyfriend had a heap of dating site profiles, but they where just looking for friends profiles until I found out from a friend that she talked to him once on one of these sites and he tried to talk dirty to her and meet her and was saying all these nasty things about me.I made a fake account and caught him out, but the funny thing was he left me for invading his personal space, after about 4 weeks we got back together and we have been fine since and that was 2 years ago, but he never said sorry, denied everyting even when I caught him first hand. I dont trust him but I have just grown not to care anymore and just do what I want, I dont make an effort for him anymore and sort of just do my own thing instead of worrying what he is doing all the time. but it still hurts and the pain never goes, its not something you just forget. so if you stay with him, it wont ever go away.
...............................
A
male
reader, bg +, writes (1 September 2008):
He needs to understand that it won't fly in your house, make that clear as day. If it continues, get clever. Make your own account on the same site and harrass him if need be, show him how you feel so he knows first hand.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): If he was into you he wouldn't be interested in other women. Find someone more worthy who only has eyes for you bebex
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 August 2008):
 The sooner you get out of this relationship, the better. It's easy to say "just get over him," but it takes time to love again, and the sooner you dump him, the sooner you can find someone who is trustworthy. He's already betrayed your trust. Leave him before he can break your heart again, he's a loser and a player.
...............................
A
female
reader, debrasue64 +, writes (31 August 2008):
RUN!!! If he is cheating in this way now it will most likely continue or move form online to real life. Find someone you is interested in only you. As for him looking depressed--don't buy it. You can't trust him.
...............................
|
