A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of two years moved out again for the fifth time. He usually calls or comes back by now but not this time. His Family is being very nasty towards me and he didnt just move out he moved 3 hours away. When he left he said he was going to work with his father and get his life straight but would come home on the weekends but he didnt. We have had alot of issues i am independent and manage a bar which he does not like and it has been a big issue in our relationship. I lost my son 6 months into our relationship and have been very stressed and depressed since he was hit by a drunk driver. So he has been the one holding everything down and he has had to deal with my days of depression and many days of distance. But i have paid for everything he hasnt worked in two years and he feels that because he keeps the house clean and helps at the bar that its all he should do. but now he got a job and ignores me. I am five years older then him and he is very jealous and everytime he leaves i always hunt him down and beg him to come back and he usually does after i make a fool out of myself and except blaime for everything when he is usually the one who should be saying sorry. I dont know what to do i love him dearly and i know i should have been more caring and the one who should have been giving him alot of attention. He is a 25 year old libra man and always runs to his whole family to put me down when were fighting but never takes the blaime for his own actions. Will he come back? He did cheat on me early on in our relationship but swears he never did after that. I am lost and confused i spoke to him right after he left and he told me he went to a strip club the night before but didnt like it and then we ended up arguing and he hung up on me.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2013):
 I suggest that you adjust your first sentence, such that it reads: "My boyfriend moved out again, for the fifth, AND LAST time....."
THAT would "solve" your problem.....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): It's time to cut ties with this man. You are in a toxic relationship and you are not getting anywhere. He's behaving badly and you are allowing him to do it, and you keep taking him back. Your understandable grief is clouding your judgement.
Get yourself into therapy and work out the terrible loss of your child, figure out why you are trying to hold onto this man and get your own life together and back on track. Perhaps he is realizing how screwed up he is and he really is going to get his own life together...it's time you do the same. When you have all your ducks in a row and you are feeling strong and happy on your own, the rest will come, and a good man who will treat you right, as well.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 Hi
This is not a healthy relationship, you lost your son which is the most traumatic thing a parent can go through, you don't need the drama this man brings to add to that.
Yes you may love him but it is not balanced, he has it cushy with you and is spoilt by his family. Do not go running after him, leave him to get on with it this time.
You need time to recover from the loss of your son and the relationship. There will be other men, more mature men, who get what you have been through and who can be an equal partner.That's what you need,, a proper grown up.
I wish you luck and hope you find peace.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 May 2013):
 Oh! I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son. He can't fathom what you went through and what you're still going through, can he? As a mom myself, my heart breaks to think of that.
Such a traumatic tragedy can kick a relationship so hard in the new stages of it (anything prior to a year is technically "new stage").
Let me tell you something, from me to you. Don't let this tragedy allow you to flush the rest of your life down the toilet. This guy is a loser who cheats, goes to strip clubs behind your back, and only serves to suck the life out of you. If you weren't in such a mental state, you would have kicked him to the curb after the first time.
You've been through so much that the need for you to feel stability has overloaded your sense of survival and frustration. You need to take steps forward, not allow a bloodsucking plecostomus to drain you into a dessicated shell of yourself.
You need to be in a healthy state of mind, and a good therapist can help you much more than a cheating toad. So ditch him and get someone who can honestly help you heal! You need to finally heal, or the pain will ingrain and calcify in your heart.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 May 2013):
Sounds to me like you two are a poor match. He may be your emotional crutch since you lost your son, but it's time to move on from this unhealthy relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): "Will he come back?"
It may take a few days for him to find it in his heart to forgive you this time after he's already given you four previous second chances, but you can rest completely assured that he indeed will take you back after he accepts your apology.
"everytime he leaves i always hunt him down and beg him to come back and he usually does after i make a fool out of myself and except blaime for everything when he is usually the one who should be saying sorry. I dont know what to do i love him dearly and i know i should have been more caring and the one who should have been giving him alot of attention."
Exactly why he'll come back. He is a charming manipulative user and controller who knows exactly what buttons to push and what strings to pull to elicit from you the exact response he wants at any given moment, and he is shamelessly taking advantage of the power he holds over a depressed, vulnerable woman lacking insight or perspective and therefore an easy target for him to emotionally prey upon.
The cycle will continue to perpetuate indefinitely unless you seek the professional help you so desperately need to address, resolve and overcome issues that I suspect go far beyond and date much further from the tragic death of your beloved son.
"Boyfriend" is a worthless POS who exploits women, and as soon as you muster the strength, self-respect, pride and dignity to stand up to him then he will be gone, in search of another potential target once he realizes he is no longer able to victimize you.
Best wishes.
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