A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Even thought I still enjoy it, I can't orgasm through sex, and my boyfriend isn't very good at stimulating me manually. At the beginning I put it down to lack of experience and I didn't want to offend him by making a big deal out of it, hoping he'd naturally improve, but instead he's just given up. Whenever I ask for anything he just says, and I quote, 'there's no point cause it takes ages and you never cum anyway'. Its really starting to frustrate me as I'll spend ages giving him blow jobs and anything else he wants and as soon as he's cum thats it. Should I talk to him about this?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Some people are just amazingly self-centered. Is his male ego hurt here because he has no idea what to do and you won't tell him?
Or is he unwilling to learn and consider that you should just come with what he does and else something is wrong with you?
Can you two work it out or is he just a taker and not a giver?
It all depends on WHY he is acting the way he is. But it doesn't help if you go "if you don't know how to please me, I am not going to tell you".
Ever scratched a cat? Few people do not know how to make a cat purr because the cat will show you where it wants to be rubbed. Do you?
Does he not know what to do because you don't tell him (and nobody else did) or because he is unwilling to learn?
Huge difference and the answer as to what you should do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): If you do him favors, he has to do you favors. But it's not eye for eye and tooth for tooth. You do oral, thanks. But he may not like oral, specially because of the natural smell in the female member. (and the thick liquids that come out during arousal)
talk to him and let him know that the oral he gets comes at a price. work out with him on what he can do to return the favor.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 YES you should talk to him! You are comfortable enough to have sex but not talk about it? Talk to him!!!
It sounds like he's frustrated by the fact that you are a normal woman. The vast majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration, a full 70% cannot and many women can't finish from someone else's hands, that's NORMAL. What is not normal is having a boyfriend who demands tons of attention and refuses to give it out.
Normally I'd say this is a problem of communication, but honestly your boyfriend's attitude is highly worrisome. I think you need to talk about this, tell him what you need, give him encouragement, give him directions on how to pleasure you (in a positive way like, "I love when you do ____") and see what happens. If that doesn't work, be less of a giver sexually and then try communicating again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 I think that the title that was put on your submittal may be misleading. Is it?
I THINK you are telling us that B/F is not doing NEARLY ENOUGH foreplay (of any kind)... AND that you are not ready for - or reacting well to - intercourse....
What you write, further, "tells" us that HE is pretty self-centered in your (your's and his) sexual activities... such that HE receives stimulation enough to enjoy an orgasm (Isn't THAT the "holy Grail" of coitus?)... but YOU go unsatisfied...
Soooo, TELL HIM that you are not enjoying sexual activities nearly enough... and ASK HIM to figure how to be a better sex partner.... and then, if he fails to make improvement, reconcile to yourself that he's not been much of a sexual partner.... and that you must/will find a better one.... THEN, DO SO!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Yes OP you talk to him and it's kind of your own fault for just hoping he naturally get better at it. I was pretty crappy my first few girls, giving head to them I had no idea and hoped I'd just pick it up and be able to tell but that's not how it works most of the time, I had to have feedback and guidance from one special girl who showed me exactly what I needed to do, the motion, the pressure etc. from then on her pleasure was easy and as soon as I learned how I could give her an orgasm quickly and consistently the real fun began and we could experiment.
You see OP she wasn't an idiot that expected magic, she wanted orgasms, she wanted me to give them to her so she showed me how to. How hard is that? You're the one losing out here because for some reason you haven't shown him how your body works. Some women have very particular needs in that respect too OP, what we learn from experience is the tell tale signs we're doing something right but we only really get to know what they are after we've made a woman cum a good few times, well that was the case for me anyway, perhaps there are guys that took to it straight away.
Time to show him how it's done, get him into the position then masturbate, get his hand guide it around showing him the exact pressure, places etc. and give him instructions, he'll be able to match that with his tongue etc. OP the only way anyone gets any good at anything is by feedback, dancers use mirrors, doctors do exams and lovers let each other know what they need.
So sit around and complain all you want about hoe bad he is, or give him the tools to be able to do it every time.
His attitude isn't unfair OP, it's just frustration and a bit of emasculation. He thinks he's crap in bed and so he's just given up on it, it's not that he doesn't want you to have pleasure it's that he doesn't think he can. For a guy that's literally the worst feeling in the world. Being crap in bed is most guys worst fear, it means we're useless. OP you're the only person who can get rid of that feeling and if you're not willing to be a patient teacher then by all means go find someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Is he planning on going on like that? You are not going to stay with someone like that. He is selfish in sex, it means he ll be selfish with other things also.
May be it's time for him to learn, that it takes more time for women to orgasm than for men. Also he must 've done it wrong. Ussually with experienced partner that knows what he is doing it takes me at least 20 minutes to orgasm, this Is just how we are. No woman can do it like men do within 2-3 minutes, it's unrealistic. He better learn it now, or he will always be an awful lover, and every woman will drop him because of that.
You need to tell him this for his own sake
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Yes, you should. His attitude isn't very fair. If he doesn't seem to be willing to satisfy you, get someone else. It isn't fair, that you don't have the satisfaction you want, and the other person is getting the satisfaction.
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