A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dont trust my husband. Not that I think he cheats, just that when I open up, he uses my words against me. We've been together 20yrs off and on since I was 14. This has always been the case. Now we have 3 kids and Im affraid this is how I will live the rest of my life. 2 people living together, for the sake of the kids. Our household is a sad one. My husband is a good father, but doesnt know how to joke around with the kids. He demands. He is loving but not fun. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Wow, very helpful information. I actually did end up feeling very bitter and had an affair. But the affair left me feeling so guilty, I confessed. My husband and I are seeing a marriage counselor and our pastor for help. I have always been close to God and now he is becoming to be as well but he still has to tell me that I was the bad guy. He fails to see his part or would just rather put me down. I'm hoping he will learn. He seems to want to try. But another thing with the affair... I always just thought that I was not capable of being truly deeply madly in love until the other guy came along. Now I know I have the capability and it was a wake up call to both of me and my husband. Guess all I can do at this point is wait it out. But I won't be waiting 20yrs this time.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Please accept my sympathies for the situation you are in. When you live with someone who always wants to be right and treats you like a suspect in a police station, your relationship will only feel strained and painful.
Has your husband always been like this or has this finally come become more noticeable over the years? If he has always been like this, his "rehabilitation" will take some significant time and effort. If on the other hand this is something new you may be able to determine what is behind his defensiveness.
I think it is time to express your dissatisfaction with your communication. Ask him if he is happy with the way things are. My guess is that he feels the same as you and would like things to improve.
If possible, try to do one extra nice thing for each other every day. Perhaps it is making his favorite dessert, rubbing his back for a few minutes, or even having a special date night. Hopefully, that will rekindle your connection with one another.
Finally, I'd urge you to consider counseling as a couple. If your husband isn't amiable to that, consider seeing one yourself. Perhaps the therapist can provide you with the tools and courage to deal effectively with your husband.
Whatever you do, take some sort of action. If you continue to live out your marriage this way, one of you will eventually find someone on the side to satisfy their emotional needs or wind up bitter.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 I suggest you print out this submittal.... Hand the copy to your hubby and say, "I wrote this. Now, I'm sharing it with you. It SHOULD trigger you to say, "Geesh, I never knew you felt this way."... and "Do you suppose we could consider counselling, such that I can be a better hubby?"... If you DO react in that way, then let's make an appointment for that counselling... OR, if you point out that all of our woes are MY FAULT (as you have in the past), then I guess I have to reveal to you that the gravy train has gone off the tracks... and you are going to have to continue your life as a divorcee man..."
That should work.....
Good luck...
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